Recent decades have witnessed the ever-increasing development of cutting-edge technological items, especially phones, tablets, or other portal devices which endanger the safety of humans when they both walk in the street and concentrate on using them. This essay will discuss several key negative consequences of the phenomenon and possible measures to improve it.
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Recent decades have witnessed the ever-increasing development of cutting-edge technological items, especially phones, tablets, or other portal devices; endanger the safety of humans when they both walk in the street and concentrate on using them.
This
essay will discuss two key negative consequences of the phenomenon and possible measures to improve it.
The
Correct article usage
First
first,
the situation when these gadgets turn out evil often consists of high ignorance in users' attention to the real world. Therefore
, the result of actions from ignorance ends up in what we call an accident. There is a higher chance of problems occurring,
if the user concentrates on their device during risky situations, which consists of driving, where most of the incidents happen . To counter Remove the comma
apply
this
type of misbehaviour, people must acknowledge the consequences of controlling such
a device at those dangerous moments. For instance
, it is smoother to set the warning signals between streets for the potential drivers who might cause accidents.
The
Correct article usage
Second
second,
customers of these technologies are potentially affected by the unreal perspectives; the over-rated social status drives people to commit serious crimes publically and upload them. Moreover
, it is harder to communicate via negotiation with those users; they are often mind-controlled by their social networks. To solve it, the only and the most effective way is to prevent this
phenomenon by restricting their online activities. By doing so, we could possibly block most of the unwanted content that could drive end-users to harm society.
In conclusion, we could warn the drivers by constructing signs for using those destructive devices; setting limits and restricting violent content to block unwanted incidents. If the world ever gets to command this
over the public, we probably could live in a way more peaceful world.Submitted by dokmally2 on
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task achievement
Ensure each main point is fully developed and supported with relevant examples. Consider providing more specific statistics or real-life examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay. Each paragraph should connect smoothly to the next, enhancing the overall structure and readability.
language
Avoid minor language inaccuracies, such as awkward phrasing or slight grammatical errors, to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay addresses all parts of the task, discussing the consequences of technology use and suggesting measures.
language
The writer shows a good command of language with a variety of vocabulary and structures.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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