IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The internet has make many things in our lives simpler. However, it has also brought new threats. Do the advantages of using the internet outweigh the disadvantages?

#internet #lives #threats
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Nowadays the
internet
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 is essential for making our life much easier .But
on the other hand
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, there are draws dealing with it .In my opinion, the advantages of the
Internet
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 essay with discuss the main pros which is
Internet
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 crucial for study ,and how it has a negative impact on children's behaviour. On the one hand, the
internet
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 is very important these days for students,
For example
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 , for 15 years families struggled with getting other students' information and contacting their families .
Moreover
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, sharing homework tasks and planning for the school day, now is easy compared to before .On top of that, doing the homework and assignments online rather than writing them on paper makes it exited and fun for the students.
That is
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 why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
On the other hand
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, it is obvious that the
internet
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 has a huge negative impact on children's acts.
For example
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, the kids most of the time laying in their homes playing and using websites.
As a result
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, mental health diseases increased among them because of the use of the
Internet
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 24 hours, and not playing with other children.
Furthermore
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, families need to put restrictions on using it .
For instance
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, one hour daily is enough , and the rainy time will be with family and friends. In conclusion, the
internet
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 is a double-edged sword we need to use it for our own good
,
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apply
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and be careful not to be addicted to it .
That is
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 why the advantages of it are way more than the disadvantages.
Submitted by sarah on

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task achievement
While your essay does address the topic, aim to develop your points further to make your response more comprehensive. Expand on the advantages and disadvantages with clearer arguments and more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to use more connecting phrases to better link your ideas. Occasionally, your transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be smoother.
task achievement
Try to support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will help in demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring the overall response.
task achievement
You have successfully highlighted both advantages and disadvantages of the internet, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your stance, providing a clear end to the essay.
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