Young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in nature. Why is this? And how can we encourage them to go out?
In
this
day and age, teenagers prefer to spend their weekends indoors, gaming, rather than outdoor activities
in natural environments. In this
essay, we will discuss why this
situation occurs and what we can do to change it.
As society is advancing quickly day by day, people
are under pressure from hectic schedules. For example
, if the undergraduates want to go to excellent universities, they need to study hard. This
is evident that they choose to participate in major subjects like math, and chemistry, instead
of doing outdoor activities
in natural habitats. Another reason is that digital equipment is more and more popular among the youngest because the online programs that it supplies are diversified and interesting. If young people
have free time, they prefer entertainment programs rather than attending outdoor activities
.
In order to tackle this
problem, the school can organize clubs with more outdoor activities
in the natural environment. These clubs not only encourage the student to go out but also
unwind their minds and bodies. At the same time, using electricity equipment too much contributes to the decline in young people
’s interest in outdoor activities
. They can easily have health problems such
as depression, obesity, and so on. The government can make the most of the media, by promoting advertisements about the benefits of outdoor activities
. This
has an advantageous effect on young people
taking part in more activities
.
In conclusion, the huge social pressure and digital equipment have caused this
situation which is young people
do not attend outdoor activities
in summer and winter vacations and weekends. So schools should coordinate with the government to encourage inspire
young Correct word choice
and inspire
people
to do outdoor activities
Submitted by phamnhung275 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a moderate logical structure with an appropriate introduction and conclusion. However, to enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother flow of ideas between paragraphs and within them. Use cohesive devices more effectively to create better connections between points.
Task Achievement
While you addressed the topic, the response and ideas could be more fully extended with clearer and more in-depth explanations. Moreover, adding more specific examples to support your points would increase the strength of your argument and task achievement.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite