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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. What could be the reasons behind this? What measures can be taken to resolve this problem?

#quality #life #cities #measures
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In these modern days the lifestyle is decreasing in bigger cities
hence
 two main reasons, the first reason is the air pollution and the second is the insecurity.
This
 essay will discuss the two mentioned reasons and possible solutions for them.
Firstly
, the bad quality of the air is
due to
 the use of fuel fossils. Pollution has been the first cause of the bad quality of citizens´s lives because people prefer to use cars and buses as transport modes. One measure to
this
 issue could be the creation of new government programs, that foster to use of other modes
such
 as bikes.
For example
, Bogota´s major has developed a program in which citizens can not drive cars in one day, they should choose only a bike or foot for going to their destination.
Secondly
, the unsafety in cities decreases the quality of life. A burglar in the street or the danger that a citizen might experience at night does not help to live, because individuals have to take a real risk for their existence. One solution for
this
 problem could be the implementation of drastic rules for people who act of insecurity in the streets, it might give a safety sense.
For instance
 in Roma, which has the highest proportion of thieves in Italy, the burglars have to be in jail for three years for only a robbery,
this
 has helped to city´s security.
To sum up
, using fuel fossils and the lack of security has been the main causes of a bad style for the living of families,
however
 new programs for implementing transport media that do not contaminate the environment and rules for increasing security are solutions to face the issues.
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

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task response
You have clearly addressed both tasks: identifying reasons for the decline in quality of life in large cities and suggesting measures to resolve them. However, further elaboration on the reasons and solutions would make your response more comprehensive. Try to balance the depth of explanation for both aspects.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, enhance the logical flow between ideas by using cohesive devices more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between points.
coherence and cohesion
You have included a strong introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well and gives it a clear, coherent structure.
task response
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the initiatives taken in Bogota and Rome, effectively supports your arguments and adds credibility to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • sustainable development
  • public transportation
  • green spaces
  • affordable housing
  • air quality
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • pollution control
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