IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people think that competition at work, at school and daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooerate more, rather than competing against each other. discuss both view and give your own opinion. give reasons for your answer and include any relevan examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #competition #work #school #life #cooerate #relevan
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There are
people
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 who believe
cooperation
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 is more important than
competition
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 at
work
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, at school and in daily
life
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.
Others
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 disagree with the view that competing against each other is better than cooperating . Both views have good reasons and here are the details
Cooperation
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 is one of the soft
skills
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 that getting popular nowadays. When we are looking for a job opportunity,
this
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 collaboration or teamwork skill always comes up in the initial requirement
skills
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. Here, we can see the company would prefer someone who has teamwork
skills
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 because
while
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 doing the jobs, coordinating, delegating, and reporting the task should be done well and covered in a good approach. Those who can not cooperate are often considered as someone who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not perform.
This
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 is because they failed to look at the bigger picture and integrate their
work
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 with
others
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 to arrange the whole project.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, competitiveness is an implicit skill that
people
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 tend to forget to hone.
This
Linking Words
 skill makes someone the Eiger to strive for better than
others
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, which is super beneficial not only for themselves but
also
Linking Words
 for the bigger subject
such
Linking Words
 as a company or institution. The hype to win and prevent loss from
others
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 makes humans look for opportunities to make themselves better. For me, those views which support more on
cooperation
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 or
competition
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 are both valid. But if I have to pick one, I am more on the
cooperation
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 side, which is more relevant to me. In my environment, competitiveness is a gas that already filled the atmosphere. Some
people
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 even would do terrible things in order to 'win' the none-battle.
Thus
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, can make
people
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 only strive for the result and not enjoy the process. I
also
Linking Words
 think that the result of our
work
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 is just a number on paper, but the connection we make when we do the
work
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 together is just priceless to our real
life
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.
Therefore
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, I encourage
people
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 to focus more on
cooperation
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 than
competition
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 against our colleagues. In conclusion,
competition
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 and
cooperation
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 are two
skills
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 that
people
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 need to comprehend at
work
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, at school and in daily
life
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.
While
Linking Words
cooperation
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 helps us connect with our colleagues as the same team, competitiveness challenges
people
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 to do better. After we know the function of those
skills
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, balancing the
skills
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 with the environment is a best practice we can implement to have a better
life
Use synonyms
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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to include more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points. This can help in strengthening your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly connects to the next, and that your ideas flow smoothly throughout the essay. This can further improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your discussion well.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both the benefits of cooperation and competition.
task achievement
Your personal opinion is clearly stated and supported with reasoning, contributing to task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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