IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

All large companies should provide sports and community facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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These days, there is a widespread argument on the issue of whether large
companies
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 should provide sports and community
facilities
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 to the local people.
While
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 some still hold to the conservative view, I strongly argue that it is expected from large
companies
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 to establish sports and community
facilities
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 for the local people. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows. First of all, it is vitally important that large
companies
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 attempt to compensate for the harm they have brought to the local populations’ lives.
Although
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such
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companies
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 as Ferray factory have generated higher employment opportunities for the local residents, their ecological damages and disruptive impacts on residents’ daily lives like air pollution, noise pollution and heavy traffic are undeniable. In order to alleviate applied drawbacks, building sports gyms, health clinics and schools could be compensating. It is,
therefore
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, necessary for large
companies
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 to pay adequate attention to the locals' tranquillity. Yet, perhaps the strongest argument in favour of
this
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 issue is the tremendous merits that would return to benefit those
companies
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. Of course, investing in
such
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facilities
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 would impose an economic burden on large
companies
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,
nonetheless
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,
this
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 approach would increase convenience and enjoyment for their employees as well, resulting in efficiency growth at work.
For instance
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, having provided
such
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facilities
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 for locals by Google company resulted in a peaceful life
as well as
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 an increase in the workers' innovation and problem-solving skills.
Additionally
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,
this
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 would be associated with skilled workforces in the future. So, rather than considering building
facilities
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 for the public redundant, fulfilling these methods is advisable in the long term. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that dedicating funds to providing
facilities
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 for local people is justified.
Furthermore
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, warning the chief executive of the consequences of both implementing and ignoring
this
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 policy would encourage them to invest for the locals’ benefit.

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cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to further enhance cohesion.
coherence
Some minor language inaccuracies; however, they do not impede comprehension. Try to vary sentence structures.
task response
Expand on some points with further examples or evidence for an even more compelling argument.
task response
You presented a well-rounded and persuasive argument, clearly stating your opinion and supporting it with relevant examples and reasoning.
coherence
The essay flows logically and clearly, with a strong introduction and conclusion that reiterates your stance.
cohesion
The main ideas are skillfully organized and connected through cohesive devices, maintaining clarity throughout the essay.
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