IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some pople think that students should be taught how to manage money in primary schools and secondary schools because it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree?

Some think that teaching
money
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management
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 skills from a young age is crucial as it is deemed
as
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apply
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an important
life
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 skill. I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
students
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 should learn how to be in charge of their
money
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 from a young age for several reasons.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 like to live in luxury but
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 is not
that
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apply
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the case for
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of
people
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. Most of the population is low or middle-income and to live in luxury they take
loans
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.
And with
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With
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 constantly increasing inflations and taxes, food costs and rent have enormous effects on
people
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 living check by check or
people
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 with lots of debt.
However
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,
money
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management
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 skills can help individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
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overcome these problems since they will be aware of their
money
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 and will spend it effectively.
For example
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 in the USA, most
students
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 don't have the crucial skill of
money
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management
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.
Therefore
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, they take student
loans
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 and other
loans
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 thinking they will be able to pay it later but as it is shown in a survey nearly 80 per cent of
students
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 cannot pay their debts or live with debts till they are 50.
This
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 clearly shows how important
money
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management
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 is. By teaching
money
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management
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 at a young age, when they get older they will be able to overcome any financial crisis.
Secondly
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, nearly everyone wants to become rich, it is their aim in
life
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. To be able to be rich, one needs to know how to control their
money
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.
Thisthis
Correct your spelling
This
 is not a skill that can be mastered in a day, it takes time, understanding and knowledge and only by mastering
money
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management
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 one can become rich and achieve wealth. So, teaching
students
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 in primary or secondary school how to manage their
money
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 is important for them to reach their goal of being rich.
For instance
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, my friend used to go to a private school where they were taught
money
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-
management
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 techniques. These skills allowed my friend to now live in a big city in a good apartment
while
Linking Words
 paying her student
loans
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 and living a luxurious
life
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.
To sum up
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, teaching young children about
money
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management
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 techniques is important as it allows them to overcome any financial issue or crisis.
Additionally
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, it allows
people
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 to achieve their aim in
life
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 which is being rich.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a more comprehensive introduction by slightly broadening the background on the importance of money management before stating your thesis statement. This could provide a more solid foundation for your argument.
logical structure
Work on some grammatical structures and minor typos, such as in the use of transitional phrases or repeated words like 'Thisthis.'
relevant specific examples
While the examples provided are relevant, consider expanding on them more to give a fuller picture and strengthen the arguments further.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear position throughout and consistently supports it with relevant arguments and examples, displaying strong task achievement.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is logical and easy to follow, contributing positively to its coherence and cohesion.
supported main points
Examples are directly related to the main points, aiding in the overall clarity and comprehension of the essay.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • money
  • save
  • spend
  • plan
  • need
  • want
  • price
  • cost
  • earn
  • bank
  • goal
  • debt
  • loan
  • risk
  • choice
  • balance
  • lesson
  • class
  • teacher
  • pupil
  • home
  • family
  • project
  • practice
  • example
  • shop
  • buy
  • time
  • track
  • growth
  • budget
  • money skills
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