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Writing Samples
Band 7

The influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of the loss of biodiversity? What solutions can you suggest?

#influence #beings #world’s #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodiversity
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In recent years, the effect of human beings on the world ecosystem is causing the extinction of some
species
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 and loss of
biodiversity
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.
This
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problem
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 caused because of global warming. To prevent
this
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 situation, governments should take place to solve
this
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problem
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.
Firstly
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, the extinction of
species
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 and loss of
biodiversity
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 is caused by global warming. To elaborate, fast-changing weather conditions and air
pollution
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 have significant effects on global warming.
For instance
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,
climate
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change
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 has a significant effect on the Nordic side of the world. Because of the heating up, the ice is melting more easily.
For example
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, polar bears and penguins who live in Greenland are in danger of extinction of their
species
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.
Additionally
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, some researchers say that there was a dramatic increase in loss of
biodiversity
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 in the past years because of air
pollution
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.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 believe that the government take place in
this
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 situation.
Besides
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, the government should be aware
people
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 about
climate
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change
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 and
pollution
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.
For example
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, to aware
people
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, there should be seminars about the effects of
climate
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change
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 and the harm of
pollution
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.
Thus
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,
people
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 can understand the importance of the
problem
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.
Additionally
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, governments should replace the public transports that use fuel with the ones that are electric to prevent
pollution
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. Another thing is that the experts should detect the factories
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 don’t use filters. Because not using a filter has a significant impact on air quality. In conclusion, the
biodiversity
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 and
species
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 are in danger because of
climate
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change
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.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 and governments should help with
this
Linking Words
problem
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 to reduce it. My view is that being aware of global warming and other stuff has significant importance because reducing
this
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problem
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 is in our hands.
Submitted by mcqueensever on

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task achievement
While the essay identifies "global warming" as a primary cause, it's beneficial to expand on other contributors like deforestation, pollution, and industrial activities to offer a comprehensive view.
task achievement
The essay can further provide specific examples or case studies of government initiatives that have been successful in combating these issues.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth flow between ideas by using a variety of linking phrases. It helps in transitioning between different points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Discuss how different proposed solutions (like public awareness and replacing transport systems) link to the causes of biodiversity loss to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, maintaining a consistent focus throughout.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, particularly relating to climate change impacts on polar regions.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear progression from problem to solution.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ecosystem
  • Extinction
  • Biodiversity
  • Habitat Destruction
  • Urbanization
  • Deforestation
  • Agricultural Expansion
  • Pollution
  • Contaminants
  • Climate Change
  • Overexploitation
  • Invasive Species
  • Nature Reserves
  • Marine Protected Areas
  • Sustainable Practices
  • Industrial Discharge
  • Carbon Emissions
  • Renewable Energy
  • Energy Efficiency
  • Reforestation
  • Public Awareness
  • Legislation
  • Habitat Restoration
  • Wetland Restoration
  • Coral Reef Rehabilitation
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