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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Each
country
 has to deal with serious circumstances nowadays, especially relating to the overpopulation of early adults, which is certainly higher in several particular countries.
However
, a greater population will bring more benefits compared to the elderly population because the culture and history can be preserved continuously, which will overshadow the drawbacks that practically can be solved,
such
 as a dense inhabitant and required funding for them. The increased population of young
people
 will eventually make the
country
 more crowded because many young residents will reside.
Moreover
, they will need numerous supports in various aspects, primarily in education and employment that need to be provided by the government.
For instance
, a local government needs to raise funding for improving education
as well as
 more workplaces for them, which requires the officials more workload and plans to be done.
Nevertheless
, those young
people
 can maintain the heritage of their
country
, preserving their cultures and origins.
This
 can create a sustainable
country
 where the culture still exists and is protected to prevent the gradual disappearance of a
country
. To exemplify, a small
country
 that only has older
people
 will hardly thrive since it does not have future generations to conserve its heritage, which is ultimately diminishing and being forgotten by other
people
 outside it. To summarize, I believe the upside of having more young adults to continue and preserve their origins, which
also
 can be a great asset for their future countries will outweigh the drawbacks
such
 as denser areas and more funds to be used to support them because those can be managed by establishing a proper system for area plannings and money allocation.
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coherence and cohesion
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coherence and cohesion
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coherence and cohesion
Your essay maintains clear structure and logical progression of ideas.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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