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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that, to prevent illness governments should focus more on reducing environmental
pollution
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 and housing
problems
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. I
also
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 believe it because of several reasons. To commence with, nearly every transportation means, which millions of
people
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 use every day, uses oil and gas which produces carbon monoxide.
This
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 is a toxic compound and it is one of the primary reasons for
air
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pollution
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. With
this
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,
people
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 going outside are being exposed to the polluted
air
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.
This
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air
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 can cause asthma,
lung
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diseases
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 and chronic allergies and
therefore
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 long-term results like
lung
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 cancer, stroke and other
heart
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diseases
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.
For example
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, South Korea has one of the most polluted
air
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 in the world. A study showed that
due to
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 poor
air
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 quality, Korean
people
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 are more prone to asthma,
lung
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 and
heart
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diseases
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.
Additionally
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, housing is a huge problem nowadays, especially in big cities. In these cities, housing is limited, and because homeowners are aware of
this
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, they raise rent prices significantly.
As a result
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, the housing problem worsens, as fewer
people
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 can afford these exaggerated prices. To overcome
this
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, individuals turn to old and run-down buildings. Most of the time these buildings are not well maintained and they contain hazardous materials like black mold or asbestos. Both are proven to be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 humans and can cause irreversible
heart
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 and
lung
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problems
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.
Therefore
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, the government should focus on solving housing
problems
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.
To sum up
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, the authorities should solve housing
problems
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 and tackle environmental
pollution
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 in order to prevent illnesses and
diseases
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.
Air
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pollution
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 directly causes
lung
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 and
heart
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problems
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.
Also
Linking Words
, housing issues lead to
people
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 renting out old places with black molds growing on them resulting in again
lung
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 and
heart
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problems
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.

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detail
Try to further elaborate on your points with more detailed examples or statistics to enhance the strength of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth to improve coherence.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
example
The main points are supported with relevant examples.
task response
The task response is complete, addressing the question effectively and providing a clear argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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