IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that the media (newspapers) have the right to publish details of people,s private life while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

It is often believed that the
media
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 has the authority to publish private
information
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 about
people
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.
However
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, some
people
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 have a negative view of
this
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, arguing it should be restricted. I partially agree with the latter, for it can violate privacy, making it harder for
people
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 to have a peaceful life regardless of the importance of
media
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 to expose detailed private
information
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 , to tell the truth. On the one hand, the
media
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 should have a right to reveal private
information
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 to promote the understanding of the public.
In other words
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, the exact location and background of a person should be made accessible so
people
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 have a clearer sense of a situation to make better decisions.
For instance
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, an article on the family background of a notorious Japanese politician called Saito, who is spoiled by his wealthy relatives, has made it easier for many
people
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 to understand his rude and self-centred acts that cause a number of troubles to others.
Consequently
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,
this
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 allows
people
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 to understand the very root of problems to make a fair evaluation of the suitability of the person working as a mayor.
On the other hand
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,
media
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 should be controlled when it exposes private
information
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 to the public because it draws excessive attention, preventing
people
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 from having an ordinary life. Indeed, it often causes serious troubles not only for a person but
also
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 for his or her relatives and even neighbours when details of personal life are published by the
media
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. To illustrate
this
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, parents were forced to stay at home when their son was arrested for drink and driving which killed three lives in Japan in 2018
due to
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 the crowds of reporters and strangers with curiosity visiting their place. In spite of them being innocent themselves, they still live under unknown threats, suffering from intense pressure since their privacy is not sufficiently protected. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the right of
media
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 should be restricted so as not to harm the lives of innocent
people
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.
Nevertheless
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, it is often expected to reveal the private lives of important
people
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 including politicians to encourage the public to make fair decisions.

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task achievement
Try to include a counter-argument in each paragraph to show an understanding of both sides of the issue more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay to avoid any potential confusion for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and states your viewpoint clearly.
supported main points
Each main idea is well-supported with relevant examples that help illustrate your points.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with each paragraph flowing well into the next.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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