IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #newspapers #tv #news #programmes #world #internet #development
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Other
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays opt to read
news
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 on their
phones
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 with the use of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of actual
newspapers
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 and television programmes.
This
Linking Words
 approach
instill
Change the verb form
instills
show examples
 more positive developments
such
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 as accessibility and convenience
in
Change preposition
at
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 all times. Majority of the
people
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 these days are always in front of their mobile
phones
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 like
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 part of their daily routine.
This
Linking Words
 is why individuals choose to read the latest
news
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 available on the
internet
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instead
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 of
newspapers
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 or
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, all they need to do is avail data to have
access
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on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different websites and applications. The
access
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 to different information and sources makes it much easier.
For instance
Linking Words
, the numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 who are registered on
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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, in just one scroll
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the issues the country is facing.
Additionally
Linking Words
, through mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, they do not need to sit in front of a television because there are available accounts for them to watch
news
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 online like
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, using
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 helps
people
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 to have
an
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apply
show examples
easy
access
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 to
news
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 by means of searching through various sites.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, it is more convenient to use cellular
phones
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 because information
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 updated on the spot.
People
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 do not need to purchase additional
newspapers
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 in order to follow the updates of certain
news
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
news
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 about a typhoon, all they have to do is refresh the website and just like a snap,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 updating already.
Thus
Linking Words
, individuals do not need much effort to go out and buy daily
newspapers
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. In conclusion, when
people
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needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to get
news
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 about the world, it is more beneficial to rely on their mobile
phones
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 and
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 as it provides easier
access
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 available in various sites and
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the convenience it gives when it comes to updated and latest information.
Submitted by cng123 on

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Development of Ideas
Ensure to develop each main point more thoroughly. Some arguments could benefit from further elaboration and evidence to fully convince the reader.
Sentence Structure
Be mindful of sentence variety to improve readability and maintain the reader’s interest throughout the essay. This includes varying sentence length and structure.
Grammatical Accuracy
Check for minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity and precision in your essay. While these don't significantly hinder understanding, improving them would add polish to your writing.
Structure
Your essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in clearly conveying your argument.
Task Achievement
The topic is addressed effectively, with a stance that is maintained throughout the essay, contributing to a well-rounded task achievement.
Use of Examples
The use of relevant examples, such as mentioning Facebook and YouTube, effectively supports your main points and illustrates your arguments well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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