IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
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Certain individuals claim that we have too many
options
 these days. Afterwards, I agree with
this
 statement,
that is
 because technology is developed and
people
 earn more, which is explained in the following essay.
Firstly
, nowadays technologies are developed that assist
people
 to have more choices than before.
Thus
, something that was not possible before is today possible.
Therefore
,
people
 can buy something that did not exist in the past. It is widely known that when technologies are developed,
then
people
 can use devices that did not exist before, so it helps
people
 to have more choices than before.
For instance
, mobile devices did not exist, but technology has developed, and
people
 can purchase it now. Another example is the Internet, which has just been developed.
Additionally
,
people
 use the Internet, which assists them in acknowledging that they have more
options
.
Secondly
,
people
 earn more money, so they can purchase more.
Subsequently
, nowadays some governments offer free accommodation and basic food to poor
people
. So,
people
, even the poor, have more
options
 than before.
Moreover
, women have more freedom, and they can work and earn money. Simply put, it is obvious that women have more
options
 than before.
For example
, women were not allowed to purchase homes for themselves in some territories in the
last
 decade;
however
, they have it now. Another example is the
people
 of China who are not poor anymore, so it is clearly seen they consume more than before. In conclusion, some
people
 assert that we have more choices than before, which I wholeheartedly agree with.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

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task achievement
Aim to develop each main point in more depth to enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Provide more specific and concrete examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas and ensuring a variety of linking words are used correctly.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which present the writer’s opinion and summarize the key points.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas with main points being addressed in each paragraph, which shows clear organization.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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