IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, with the evolution of technology and the appearance of platforms that give information to kids, it is argued that there is no longer a need for
schools
Use synonyms
, and children can learn in their houses. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea
due to
Linking Words
 the importance and influence of
schools
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.
Moreover
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, I think there is nothing that can compensate for the role of
schools
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, going to
school
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 is necessary, especially for young age groups, because the role of
school
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 and home integrates with each other. Guardians teach their children the main values,
such
Linking Words
 as honesty, loyalty, and helping others,
while
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 look after them and strengthen these good values.
Schools
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 teach children how to be self-independent, disciplined, and improve
students
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' personalities and correct their bad behaviors.
For example
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, some
schools
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 around the world tend to hire a psychologist in order to deal with struggles, face
students
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, or talk with violent
students
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 in a kind way in order to alleviate bad behaviour
instead
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 of punishment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, attending
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
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 will accelerate their educational achievement. Teachers explain subjects to them better than online lessons, so
this
Linking Words
 will diminish the chances of misunderstanding.
Although
Linking Words
 learning places offer good interaction inside classrooms and reduce the possibility of distraction, it will add some competition between
students
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 in order to gain high marks.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2020, during the pandemic COVID-19, I was studying master’s degree, so when my university closed, we resumed the semester with an online mode. Sometimes during lectures, I had to sleep until a doctor called my name, or [I was] doing something else
while
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 attending a lecture. In conclusion,
school
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 substitution of formal education by online [learning] is an obvious issue these days
due to
Linking Words
 technical advancement.
Schools
Use synonyms
 have a crucial role in building and improving
students
Use synonyms
' personalities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, elevates their academic attainment.

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task achievement
For task achievement, your response is complete and directly addresses the task. However, to enhance your argument, you might consider adding counterpoints to your position and refuting them.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, you have logically structured paragraphs and used linking words effectively. To improve further, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, reinforcing connections between your ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position, which is effectively reiterated and expanded upon throughout the essay.
task achievement
You use relevant examples, such as the situation during the COVID-19 pandemic, to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are logically structured with clear topic sentences, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
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