IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.
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The line chart provides key information about
a
Correct article usage
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gym
membership
Use synonyms
gender based
Add a hyphen
gender-based
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, through the period of 1980 to 2010. The units are measured with
figure
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the figure
a figure
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 of the memberships.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that during the period ranging between
from
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1980 to 2000 males'
membership
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
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fluctuated;
however
Linking Words
, during the year
of
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2005 their
membership
Use synonyms
 soared.
Whereas
Linking Words
, women's
membership
Use synonyms
 had a
consistently
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consistent
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 increase until the year of 1995.
According to
Linking Words
 the data shown, males'
membership
Use synonyms
 in 1980 started with about 2000
Use synonyms
membership
Replace the word
members
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,
Remove the comma
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 and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak during 2005 with 5000
Use synonyms
membership
Replace the word
members
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.
However
Linking Words
, it experienced a
plunged
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plunge
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 in 2010 to reach less than one thousand
Use synonyms
membership
Replace the word
members
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 which represents the lowest figures in the graph. In terms of females'
membership
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, we can observe that it began above one thousand in 1980 and it increased consistently until the year
of
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2000, which declined slightly and continued with
a
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fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
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 numbers until touched 2000 memberships.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words membership with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fluctuate
  • Spike
  • Steady increase
  • Decline
  • Plateau
  • Peak
  • Surge
  • Membership uptake
  • Gender disparity
  • Health consciousness
  • Fitness regimes
  • Societal norms
  • Technological advancements
  • Demographic shift
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