IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.
#information #gym #membership
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart provides key information about
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gym
membership
Use synonyms
gender based
Add a hyphen
gender-based
show examples
, through the period of 1980 to 2010. The units are measured with
figure
Add an article
the figure
a figure
show examples
 of the memberships.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that during the period ranging between
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1980 to 2000 males'
membership
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated;
however
Linking Words
, during the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2005 their
membership
Use synonyms
 soared.
Whereas
Linking Words
, women's
membership
Use synonyms
 had a
consistently
Change the adverb
consistent
show examples
 increase until the year of 1995.
According to
Linking Words
 the data shown, males'
membership
Use synonyms
 in 1980 started with about 2000
Use synonyms
membership
Replace the word
members
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak during 2005 with 5000
Use synonyms
membership
Replace the word
members
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it experienced a
plunged
Change the form of the verb
plunge
show examples
 in 2010 to reach less than one thousand
Use synonyms
membership
Replace the word
members
show examples
 which represents the lowest figures in the graph. In terms of females'
membership
Use synonyms
, we can observe that it began above one thousand in 1980 and it increased consistently until the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000, which declined slightly and continued with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 numbers until touched 2000 memberships.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words membership with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fluctuate
  • Spike
  • Steady increase
  • Decline
  • Plateau
  • Peak
  • Surge
  • Membership uptake
  • Gender disparity
  • Health consciousness
  • Fitness regimes
  • Societal norms
  • Technological advancements
  • Demographic shift
What to do next:
Look at other essays: