IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some old people today struggle with the use of modern technology such as smartphones and computers? What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions

#people #struggle #technology #smartphones #computers
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On
Change preposition
In
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this
Linking Words
 modern era,
tech
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 company grow their
technology
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 at
vast
Add an article
a vast
show examples
 rate. Many adult
people
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 are struggling with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new devices
such
Linking Words
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 and
hi-itech
Correct your spelling
hi-tech
 computers. There are numerous
of
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apply
show examples
issues
Linking Words
this
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with this
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 growing
technology
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 and
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
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 of
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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about
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apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to mitigate these problems.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the reason Whiny old
people
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 are lacking is they are not aware
about
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of
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power
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the power
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 of
technology
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. To elaborate
it
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apply
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, senior
people
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 love to do work as they
are
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have been
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 doing from
their
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a
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 young age they don't know about the features and abilities of the
tech
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 in
modern
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the modern
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 era,For
instances
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instance
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 rather than watching
weather
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the weather
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forcast
Correct your spelling
forecast
 on
television
Correct article usage
a television
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 phone they can check it on
smart
Correct article usage
the smart
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 phone which is more convenient and time saving approch for them.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
, Family members can
easy
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easily
show examples
Use synonyms
tech
Correct your spelling
teach
show examples
 their elders about the
technology
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 by telling them
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 things. To explain it wherever they use a modern piece of
technology
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 they can
Use synonyms
tech
Correct your spelling
teach
show examples
. seniors about the use which make
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 more Convenient
such
Linking Words
 as
use
Add an article
the use
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 of food delivery which delivery food
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
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 which deliver food at home which
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 energy and time. In conclusion, if old
people
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 know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
about the things they can do with
technology
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 they can easily
attract
Wrong verb form
be attracted
show examples
 towards it and develop
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in the new
technology
Use synonyms
 and show Keen interest
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 about it
Submitted by vrajat608 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in explaining the causes and solutions. Consider elaborating more on why older people struggle with technology, such as highlighting cognitive or psychological barriers.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic structure with an introduction and conclusion, but the main points in the body need clearer expression and linkage to fully develop a coherent argument.
task response
Ideas related to solutions are discussed but could benefit from more specific examples, like community programs that support technological education for seniors.
coherence and cohesion
Work on logically linking ideas from one paragraph to another, ensuring each sentence builds on the previous one. Better use of cohesive devices can improve flow between points.
task response
The essay problematizes a relevant societal issue: older people's struggles with technology in a rapidly evolving digital age.
task response
There is an attempt to provide solutions, showing awareness of the need for practical responses to the identified issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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