IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

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In our modern day and age,
people
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 use social media platforms and online
communication
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 to stay in touch with their families and friends
while
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 others believe that the use of
such
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 methods of technology has caused some individuals to drift away. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view and give my opinion. It can not be denied that social online applications and video calls are important means of
communication
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 and they help
people
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 stay connected despite their busy life schedules.
Moreover
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, Nowadays, more and more
people
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 seek better studying and working opportunities away from their hometowns and they can not have a physical conversation with their loved ones and check on them every now and
then
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.
However
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, using platforms
such
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 as Facetime and Instagram makes it easier to exchange the latest life updates.
For example
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, most of my family and friends live in Saudi Arabia where I reside in Spain, and we have weekly long video calls which have helped us to stay in touch despite we are thousands of miles apart.
On the other hand
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, excessive use of technological gadgets and long exposure to short and rapid online content have caused a negative impact on our attention span and social skills.
Furthermore
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, the continuous urge to check online updates has affected productivity and quality of
communication
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.
For instance
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, during a group dinner most
people
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 have their phones on the table and every now and
then
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 someone would pick their phone up to check a message or send a picture and disconnect from the rest of the group for a few minutes. In conclusion,modern
communication
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 tools are an essential pillar of our lives nowadays.
However
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, as with everything in life, they should be used in moderation and to serve our needs rather than overindulging in
such
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 activities.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every point within the essay is clearly connected and transition smoothly. This will enhance both the coherence and cohesion of your work.
task response
The essay should address various perspectives on the topic, and while the writer does this well, including more balanced arguments for each would make it more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on expressing complex ideas in a bit more detail. The ideas presented are clear but adding depth to analysis can enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps with understanding the central themes discussed.
task response
Relevant and specific examples are provided, adding depth and richness to the essay.
task response
The main points are supported with examples that make them tangible and relatable, such as the personal anecdote about staying connected with family across the globe.
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