IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The way children spend their free time has been altered by new technologies. Are the benefits of this greater than the drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In today’s world,
technology
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 has changed the way
children
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 spend their free
time
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. Many
children
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 now spend hours on phones, tablets, or computers
instead
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 of playing outside.
While
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 there are some drawbacks to
this
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, I believe the benefits are greater. First of all, new technologies help
children
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 learn in fun and creative ways. There are many apps and games that teach
children
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 reading, math, and problem-solving skills.
Children
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 can
also
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 watch videos and listen to stories that improve their language and thinking. These tools make learning enjoyable and easy.
Second,
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technology
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 helps
children
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 connect with others. Even if they are far from their friends or family, they can talk to them through video calls or messages.
This
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 helps
children
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 stay close to their loved ones and learn social skills in a modern way.
However
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, there are some problems.
Children
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 who spend too much
time
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 on screens may become lazy and unhealthy. They might not want to play outside or do sports.
Also
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, they may not talk much with their family or friends in real life. But if parents guide their
children
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 and limit screen
time
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, these problems can be reduced. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some disadvantages, the benefits of new
technology
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 in
children
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’s free
time
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 are more important. With the right balance,
technology
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 can help
children
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 learn more, stay connected, and enjoy their
time
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 in smart ways.

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task achievement
Try to add more details and examples to support your points clearly. For instance, give a specific example of an app that helps with learning.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects well to your overall argument.
cohesion
Consider using linking words to make your writing flow better, such as 'furthermore' or 'for example'.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion.
coherence
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • educational resources
  • technological skills
  • face-to-face interactions
  • communication skills
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • inappropriate content
  • mental and emotional well-being
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