Rich country often gives money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore developed country should give other types of help to the poorer countries rather than financial aid. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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I absolutely agree with the statement above. Poverty is a huge issue on the earth, humanity has to solve it. The easiest way to do
this
is to send money to these
people
, but it won't help them step out from indigence. Developed countries have to send them medical help, and
food
and offer job and educational opportunities.
This
essay will discuss the solutions, listed previously. First and foremost, in my point of view, financial aid won't help poor
people
, because they'll run out of it, and cannot stand on their feet without more help. We have to solve their urgent problems
first,
which is
for instance
the high death rate.
This
can be caused by starving, or the lack of healthcare. As the former problem states, we have to feed them with healthy, clean and fresh
food
.
According to
my previous research, in some parts of India,
people
eat
food
from the ground, without washing them, which is harmful to our bodies.
Also
, as I mentioned before,
due to
poverty, most of these
people
have low health conditions. We have to offer them medicine, and hospital help, to increase their health rate.
Secondly
, educating and hiring them would be an important solution, because in
this
case they can earn their own money and pay for their own needs. We must build educational institutions, or reform the old ones, so children can gain a piece of proper knowledge. To help the adults to improve their knowledge would be
also
a fine solution.
This
also
requires a large amount of teachers to undertake the job.
Overall
, I highly recommend
food
and medical transportation to solve their physical problems, and educational and job opportunities to help them stand on their own.
Submitted by docents.steal_0z on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific programs or initiatives that have successfully addressed poverty beyond financial aid.
task achievement
Work on expanding your points with more detailed explanations or examples. This will help increase the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas with a greater variety of linking words and transitions to improve the overall flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the issue, and you provide a preview of the arguments you intend to discuss.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure and follows a clear progression of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
complete response
You present a thoughtful analysis of why financial aid alone is insufficient in addressing poverty and suggest practical alternatives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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