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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below give information about the amount of beer and fruit juice consumed per person per year in different countries. write at least 150 words.

The table below give information about the amount of beer and fruit juice consumed per person per year in different countries. write at least 150 words.
#information #amount #beer #fruit #juice #person #year #countries
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The given table illustrates the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
Beer
Use synonyms
 and
Fruit
Use synonyms
 juice by each person every year in different
countries
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of
Beer
Use synonyms
 is much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher than
of
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Fruit
Use synonyms
 juice.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the most
beer
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 can be seen in Ireland.
Whereas
Linking Words
 people of
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
Fruit
Use synonyms
 juice. It is clear from the given data that, the people in Ireland mostly drink Bear,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 they have the highest intake of 155
litres
Use synonyms
 which is relatively higher than other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Denmark and Belgium have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 amount of absorption of
Beer
Use synonyms
 which is 98
litres
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom is just 1 litre less than
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Denmark and Belgium. The minimum drinking of
Beer
Use synonyms
 is
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Finland which is 79
litres
Use synonyms
 yearly.
However
Linking Words
,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
, United States, and Australia's engagement in
Beer
Use synonyms
 is less than 90
litres
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 Germany and Austria
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 in the highest
consumption
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 list, with
consumption
Use synonyms
 of 119
litres
Use synonyms
 and 106
litres
Use synonyms
 respectively. It is evident that Canada
consume
Change the verb form
consumes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
hight
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 amount of
Fruit
Use synonyms
 juices than any other
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 which is 52.6
litres
Use synonyms
. Followed by
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 at 42.8
litres
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, New Zealand's
consumption
Use synonyms
 is the least of all only 24.8
litres
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 Netherlands and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom have similar drinking
consumption
Use synonyms
 which is 28.1 and 29.3 respectively. The rest of the
countries
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 have
similar
Add an article
a similar
the similar
show examples
 intake of
Fruit
Use synonyms
 juices, Germany, Austria, Sweden,
Australia
Correct word choice
and Australia
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 38.6
litres
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, 37.3
litres
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, 35.3
litres
Use synonyms
 and 34.4
litres
Use synonyms
 in order
Submitted by mobarmansha1817 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, beer, fruit, countries, litres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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