Some people believe that traditional classrooms will no longer be necessary because students can learn everything they need online. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent years, many nations have been struggling with obesity.
In addition
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, some people argue that officials must impose sugar taxes in order to tackle
this
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issue. I strongly agree with
this
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solution , and there are many measures to follow which could assist governments in solving
this
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problem. First of all, many individuals might stop buying unhealthy items when their prices become higher.
As a result
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, the rates of obesity in different age groups will significantly decrease.
Also
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, building more facilities
such
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as sports centres is a crucial factor to help citizens exercise and stay in good shape.
For instance
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, in the UK , people have noticed a significant decline in overweight rates among teenagers after adding extra sports classes to their school schedules. Another point to consider is that raising awareness among society members about the necessity Following a balanced diet will make a huge difference. Teachers should advise their students to maintain a healthy diet and avoid eating junk food , so they can improve their mental and physical health.
Furthermore
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, parents play a key role in enhancing their children's healthy
habits
Punctuation problem
habits,
show examples
as these habits should start from home.They must be more strict about preventing the consumption of too much sugar in their daily meals.
Consequently
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, they can avoid many serious diseases and establish a healthy lifestyle for future generations. In conclusion, I think governments could control the number of obesity in their countries by imposing sugar taxes and raising awareness.
However
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, parents have a primary role in preventing and solving
this
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negative issue by guiding their children and observing their daily habits and meals.

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task response
Write about the same topic all through the essay. Your essay question is about online learning and classrooms, but your essay is about sugar tax and obesity.
task response
Answer the question in a direct way. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this idea in each paragraph.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are short or not fully explained.
task response
Use examples that match the question. Your example about UK teenagers does not match the given topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some sentences are joined too fast without full connection.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea. In your second body paragraph, the first sentence is not complete.
coherence and cohesion
Check spacing and punctuation. For example, some commas and full stops are missing or placed with extra space.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You try to give reasons and one example to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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