In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message

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There is no denying the fact that

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apply

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teaching our

children

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the principle of persistence is a crucial thing.

While

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it is a commonly held belief that we should tell them that they can do anything if they work hard, there is

also

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an argument that opposes

this

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idea.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, when we tell our sons that they can do anything,

this

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will increase their self-confidence.

In other words

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, they will have a strong belief that nothing is impossible because they have the ability to achieve their goals.

In addition

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this

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idea could make

children

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try their best to get the result they want.

For example

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, in the great inventor Thomas Edison's story, his teacher told him that he was a

failure

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failing

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student and kicked him out of the school, but his mother had a different opinion. She supported him and encouraged him to learn, and

finally

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, he became one of the greatest inventors.

On the other hand

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, telling

children

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that they can do anything all the time may make them unrealistic. It is

also

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possible to say that we should explain to them that they need to have a plan and certain concrete steps to achieve their ambitions.

Moreover

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this

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idea will make

children

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impulsive and incapable of planning for their future in a particular way.

For instance

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, if your son wants to be a doctor, you should explain to him that achieving

this

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goal requires him to study hard and have determination. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that nothing is impossible but diligence, commitment, and good planning are necessary to get

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the

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desired result.

Submitted by mahmoudbenjawad on Sat Dec 07 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance the argument presentation by clearly delineating the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion

Although examples are provided, ensure they are directly tied to the argument flow for stronger integration.

Task Achievement

Provide a more direct thesis statement at the end of the introduction to offer clearer guidance on the essay's direction.

Coherence and Cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a balanced view.

Task Achievement

Use of the familiar example of Thomas Edison effectively illustrates the point about perseverance and support.

Coherence and Cohesion

Well-organized paragraphs help guide the reader through the argument.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Some people think that it is suggested to learn history. While some pople think it has a little knowledge in it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that company should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building the live in. What are the reason for this? How can people research this?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people Why might this be the cause? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?