IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, in some countries, it is believed that citizens should save their expenditure for their lives. Does it make some development for countries? Despite the challenging conditions, I totally agree that all population should save their
funds
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 for the future for the following reasons. On one hand, some communities find it very hard to gain costs and take them to their bank account because of the crucial needs.
However
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, for some citizens, their income is not equal to their vital needs.
As a result
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, young
people
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, especially workers who have a middle income feel it would be very difficult to collect money for their older age because their focus only fills their daily needs and forgets to save the
funds
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. These conditions happen very often in developed countries,
for instance
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 in Indonesia. Indonesia is a country which has more than third fourth of the population in the middle-income category.
On the other hand
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, I believe that saving costs has more beneficial things that
people
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 could gain for their future.
This
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 phenomenon forces communities to make finance planners, so they can spare the
funds
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 and take the remain for the bank's account.
This
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 would bring some advantages for sudden needs.
For instance
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, paying for the hospital when
people
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 suddenly have to go to an emergency room or have an accident.
Furthermore
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, I think it might gain some benefits if young
people
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 consider saving money rather than spending it to follow the modern lifestyle, especially in negative ways.
To sum up
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, I totally agree that it is very important for citizens to make a financial planner, so they could save more costs for emergency needs in the future. Saving
funds
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, not only makes
people
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 manage money but
also
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 makes them choose the priority needs.

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that your essay follows a clear, logical structure where each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or evidence to back up your points more convincingly. This will strengthen your argument and task achievement.
task achievement
Focus on organizing your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Make sure each idea is fully developed before moving to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and clear, providing a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the challenges and benefits of saving money for the future, showing a complete response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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