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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is observed that, currently more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on the society?.

#people #hours #phenomenon #effects #society
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Nowadays, the public has to
work
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 harder and longer
hours
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 than before. There are several reasons which caused
this
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 situation. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the causes and effects of
this
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 phenomenon on society. The two main causes of working longer
hours
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 by people are the increase in lifestyle and company targets.
Firstly
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, individuals
work
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 hard to get money, generally, because they need money to fulfil goals,
such
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 as having luxury things like cars and homes.
Secondly
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, communities want to travel around the whole world,
therefore
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, they
work
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 harder to earn money.
Moreover
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, some companies have higher targets, which can make the employees have to trial longer
hours
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 for their achievements.
This
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 phenomenon has negative effects on society,
for example
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 on their personal health and family. The habits of overworking have a negative impact on human health. Too much job, lack of physical activities, and not taking a rest can cause various diseases,
such
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 as cholesterol, overweight, heart disease, etc.
On the other hand
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, the situation of working longer
hours
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 can make parents have no time for their family, especially the children. Overworking at the workplace, coming home late at night, and losing time to communicate with family, all of them are dangerous for the growth and development of children and can become a household problem. Some possible solutions for these conditions are reducing the standard of living and being grateful for what they have. Back to the basics, why humans
work
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, the reason to fulfil their needs.
Although
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 the necessities have developed become a luxury lifestyle. In conclusion, there are several negative impacts of overworking habits.
Thus
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, humans must be wiser to set their mindset about their needs and wants. Because, when they want to achieve something, there is something that must be sacrificed.
Submitted by imeldarosari6 on

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task achievement
While the argument is generally clear, using specific examples and statistics would strengthen the essay's arguments and make the points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow in the essay; however, ensuring that there are clear transitions between all sections and paragraphs will make the essay's structure tighter and improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The writer has effectively identified causes and effects, responding clearly to the essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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