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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years of 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work.

The chart below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular European country in the years of 2000, 2005 and 2010. The results show the reasons people gave for not going to work.
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The bar chart provides information about the
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 of surveys in terms of absenteeism reasons categorized
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 five groups( illness, stress, personal needs, family responsibilities and unexpected problems) from 2000 to 2010 with intervals of five years in a specific European country.
Overall
, at first glance, it becomes clear that the significant largest of absenteeism was related to illness in all years,
while
 the lowest was
due to
 stress. It is evident that in 2000, the percentage of illness was
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 45%.
Then
 it decreased by approximately 5 percent, reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40 % after a gradual decline hitting a low point of 35 in 2010.
In contrast
,in terms of stress, it experienced
fluctuating
Correct article usage
a fluctuating
show examples
 trend,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at a bit of 5 per cent in 2000, by almost 3 per cent decreased in the next year, reaching around 12 per cent in 2010.
Conversely
,
while
 personal needs reasons experienced a downward trend throughout the period, family responsibility reasons had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small changes during that period.
Moreover
,unexpected problems in 2000,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 about 7% ,increased to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 15% and by a bit of
decreasing
Replace the word
a decrease
show examples
, reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
12 %
at the end
 of the period.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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