IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, the gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider in some countries of the world. What problems can this situation cause? What solutions should be taken?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some parts of the globe rich
people
Use synonyms
 obtain more and more resources,
while
Linking Words
 the situation with
people
Use synonyms
 from low-income groups seems to worsen. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore problems posed by rising differences in
people
Use synonyms
`s wealth and propose viable solutions to address these challenges. To start with,
such
Linking Words
 inequality in wealth amongst various human beings leads to the concentration of money and power in the hands of one community or family only. The risk of
such
Linking Words
 a situation is tough discrimination of those with lower income and,
therefore
Linking Words
, social status.
For example
Linking Words
, before the slavery abolishment in America, a host of black
people
Use synonyms
 did not have any type of freedom. As they did not possess a sufficient amount of financial resources, they were forced to obey mean and snobbish
people
Use synonyms
 with enough money.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the disproportion of financial resources gives rise to social instability and fighting against not only the economic sphere but
also
Linking Words
 the political
system
Use synonyms
. Once
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 is dissatisfied with the gap between rich and poor, they want to protest against those who have been enriched unfairly. Referring to the history, American black
people
Use synonyms
 made a long series of riots to successfully fight slavery. To counter these challenges, famous economists developed a progressive
tax
Use synonyms
 rate scheme for balancing income levels.
This
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 practically means that the more you earn the more taxes you are obliged to pay. Implementation of
such
Linking Words
 a
tax
Use synonyms
 accounting method obviously results in enhanced financial equality in the state, because the poor spare some amount of their salary,
while
Linking Words
 the affluent ones pay higher
tax
Use synonyms
 rates. The progressive
tax
Use synonyms
 rate
system
Use synonyms
 was launched in Sweden,
as a result
Linking Words
alleviating
Wrong verb form
alleviate
show examples
 strain on low-income employees
while
Linking Words
 maintaining the same
tax
Use synonyms
 income for governments on account of rich
people
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
the state government can provide various types of benefits for
people
Use synonyms
 in tough financial situations,
such
Linking Words
 as
tax
Use synonyms
 shields or reduced mortgage rates on the housing market.
Finally
Linking Words
, provide corresponding education and economic training to the impoverished population so that they can find jobs. In conclusion, I could emphasize the fact that the growing gap between high- and low-income groups is a modern pressing issue. It promotes discrimination and social instability connected to the life dissatisfaction of poor
people
Use synonyms
. Fortunately, these drawbacks can be overcome by sound and appropriate state policy,
such
Linking Words
 as a progressive
tax
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 and other benefits created by governments.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your examples directly support your main points. For instance, include more specific examples of modern inequality rather than historical instances.
coherence cohesion
Even though the logical structure is strong, consider simplifying your sentences for clarity.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and a thoughtful conclusion, which effectively wraps up your arguments.
task achievement
You have managed to tackle both problems and solutions in your response, providing a well-rounded view of the issue.
task achievement
Your essay includes some relevant examples that help illustrate your points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: