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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences.Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.Discuss both views and give your opinion. Thao

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative #thao
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The
crime
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 rate is increasing in most countries. The best way to decrease criminals is often a topic of debate.
While
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 some people believe that long
prison
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 sentences can help reduce
crime
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, in my opinion, there are better ways to solve
this
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 problem. There are many reasons why some people believe that
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
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 should be punished longer. The main purpose of punishments is
deter
Change the verb form
to deter
deterring
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 individuals from committing crimes. The longer criminals who cause serious harm to others,
such
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 as theft, violence, and murder are
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
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 away from society, the less likely they are to occur.
For example
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, they can reflect on their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and educate themselves not to repeat it after being released. It
also
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 contributes to strengthening public confidence in the judicial ( tư pháp ) system. Singapore has strict sentences, especially for drug and violent crimes
On the other hand
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, I would argue that there are more effective ways to lower
crime
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 rates. Creating employment opportunities can reduce the motivation for
crime
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. Policies
such
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 as increasing wages, social benefits, or financial assistance to the poor can help reduce the motivation to commit
crime
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due to
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 poverty. Because many studies show that there is a strong link between poverty, unemployment, and
crime
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. Many inmates
due to
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 difficulties in finding employment after release from
prison
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, support programs can help them rebuild their lives and avoid returning to their old ways. Sweden invests in education and skills training in
prison
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and supports job placement after release. In short, longer
prison
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 sentences certainly punish potential criminals and deter them from committing crimes.
However
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, eliminating the causes of
crime
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 by providing education and employment opportunities is a much better option.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance logical flow by connecting ideas more fluidly. For instance, show clearer contrasts between points in favor of longer sentences and alternative solutions.
task achievement
Ensure every new idea or point is directly relevant to the thesis. Some sections may have too much detail unrelated to the main argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and sufficiently covers both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear entry and exit for the argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as policies in Singapore and Sweden, effectively illustrate the points made.
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