Some people think that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sport starts are paid too much. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Which other type of job should be highly paid?

Nowadays, some individuals think that actors and singers have high salaries in comparison to people who work in different departments. In
this
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essay, I will explain why I agree with
this
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statement and give my opinion on jobs that should have increased salaries. There are various reasons why I believe that entertainers should not be highly paid.
Firstly
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, they do not provide services that align with their payment;
for example
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, teachers and doctors perform more crucial tasks than
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
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, yet
Verb problem
do, yet
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they get underpaid.
Secondly
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, entertainers receive high income for singing in a concert or acting in a theatre drama;
instead
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,
this
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money can be used for other important purposes,
for instance
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, constructing more hospitals and schools in the city or introducing education and health services in a village in the country.
On the other hand
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, governments should invest the money put
in
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into
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paying singers and actors in other projects that involve enhancing the country and making the quality of living better for the population. One major thing authorities should do is build more universities and libraries;
this
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act can help raise a more educated nation.
Also
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, focusing on tourism more since it can be a useful tool to increase revenues.
In addition
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to that, governments should fund the reshaping of the infrastructure, because it can help create jobs and improve productivity.
To conclude
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, from my point of view, entertainers do not deserve to get paid a lot since they do not offer many benefits to the community.
Therefore
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, governments should shift their focus to other sectors to help improve the quality of living.

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positive highlights
Your essay has a clear view and shows you know the topic. It uses good linking words and clear paragraphs. This helps the reader see your point.
advice
To raise your band, add more strong ideas and real detail. Explain why each point matters with simple but clear examples. Also fix some word choice and use words you know well.
strength
Clear position on the issue
strength
Good use of linking words such as Firstly, On the other hand, In addition
strength
Arguments are easy to follow
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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