Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #crimes #circumstances #poverty #nature

It is generally accepted that the

crime

rate has increased significantly in

this

day and age. The most obvious issues in

this

can be poverty and others. There are those who argue that these

people

are led by bad personalities.

This

essay will elaborate on both perspectives and provide supporting reasons in the following paragraphs.

On the other hand

, there are several reasons why

people

tend to commit crimes in various ways. The first and most obvious reason for

this

is that some groups of poor

people

do not have enough knowledge to find jobs or become educated about morality.

Secondly

, a good case for

this

is that

this

action might stimulate these

people

to break the rules, particularly thieves.

Due to

the fact that some individuals use violence to harass others, they can get something they want.

Hence

, these issues might be caused by their environment, which contributes to the misunderstanding of their

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

However

, despite

crime

being caused by social problems, bad nature can be a serious point to debate. The initial matter to be mentioned is personality, as numerous

people

were born with mental problems. Not only do they think from negative perspectives, but they

also

remember the bad actions from the movies, which means their mindset would lead to some unconscious acts.

Hence

, some traits can lead to

crime

if they have been present since childhood. In conclusion, both viewpoints examine different opinions. Personally, I believe that the occurrence of

crime

can be caused by the ignorance of governments and parents. As a suggestion, the administration should encourage the population to get a good education and provide support funds for poor

people

Submitted by sasinipapj on Sat Apr 13 2024

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Task Achievement

Expand on your ideas with more detailed examples to strengthen your argument and enhance clarity. While your points are relevant, deeper illustration can improve comprehension and impact.

Task Achievement

Ensure to have a balanced discussion of both views before concluding with your opinion for a more comprehensive response, aligning fully with the task's requirements.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve transitions and connections between paragraphs for smoother flow. Employing a variety of linking phrases can enhance coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

Review your essay for structure, specifically looking to enhance the balance between paragraphs discussing differing views, to ensure each viewpoint is equally explored.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively organizing your response.

Task Achievement

You successfully introduce the topic and provide a conclusion that reflects on both sides of the argument before presenting your own view, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

A friend has told you that he or she feels lonely in their new city away from their family. Write to your friend. Explain why people can feel this way Give some ideas on how to solve the problem. Ask your friend to contact you and tell you if this works

Some people prefer to work for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently. What is your opinion?

Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way to reduce air polution. Others think there are more effective ways to do this. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In some countries, people prefer to rent a house than buy one. What are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a property?

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits to living in big cities. Please share your opinion.