IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #pets #children
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Certain people claim that domestic
animals
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 can be dangerous and harmful to
children
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's health level.
However
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, I firmly agree with those who think that those
animals
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 would have some advantages for adolescents. On the one hand,I concede that some domestic
animals
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 may still have their wild behaviours
such
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 as dogs or cats.
This
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 may bring several medical issues like biting or barking.
Furthermore
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, by these treats, some
children
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 would be scared of them and
this
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,
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apply
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 may have negative effects on
children
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 and
animals
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 both.
For example
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, several
children
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 do not tend to communicate with
pets
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 and even bother them.
On the contrary
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, domestic
animals
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 may enhance their wild and negative behaviours
due to
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 their instinct in order to defend themselves.
On the other hand
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, it is proved that
pets
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 could have positive impacts on psychological issues related to
children
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such
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 as autism.
According to
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 research,
children
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 suffering from autism seem to rely on
pets
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 easily and
this
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 may help them to communicate better. By learning how to make relationships,domestic
animals
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 seem to prevent loneliness in
children
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.
Moreover
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. those
animals
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 could be effective in sharing feelings and strengthening the level of empathy in
children
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.
Moreover
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, by keeping
pets
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,
children
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 would learn how to respect
animals
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' rights and never
violent
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be violent
show examples
 to them. I think
,
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apply
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this
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 would be the most beneficial point for having domestic
animals
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 for adolescents. All being said,
although
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pets
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 are said to pose hazards for
children
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 and threaten their health, I wholeheartedly believe that domestic
animals
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 may have positive effects on communication and
also
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,
children
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 would learn how to obey animal rights. .
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points and examples are well-supported with details or evidence.
task achievement
Try to improve the clarity and comprehensibility of your ideas further. Some sections can be rephrased to articulate the argument more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistent use of transitions and cohesive devices for smoother progression through your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the two main perspectives and establishes a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow to the essay with clear sections discussing each viewpoint followed by the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The discussion addresses both positive and negative aspects of keeping pets for children, adequately responding to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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