IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The only reason why people work hard is to earn money and there is no other reason for doing so. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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One school of thought holds that
people
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 are working hard to make
money
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. From my point of view, I totally support
this
Linking Words
 statement because
money
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 is the most important thing in
life
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. On the one hand,
people
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 are hard-working to gain achievement. The reason is they can be promoted to higher positions.
For instance
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, every company has their own promotion policy so
people
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 work hard for
this
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. That's why they feel more
satisfation
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 when they achieve high positions. Promotion is a way that
people
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 can raise their salary.
However
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,
money
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 is always
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential in one’s
life
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. Nobody can live without
money
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.
This
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 is because we are using
money
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 to make transactions in every activity in
life
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. Nowadays, deflation causes commodity prices to increase.
For example
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, the rise in the price of a banh mi from 10,000 VND to 15,000 - 20,000 VND over the past 10 years. So humans have to spend more
money
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 on their daily basics.
Moreover
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, a person who earns a lot of
money
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 can invest back to himself. It leads to
self improvement
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self-improvement
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, personal growth and maximizing one’s potential. We have some courses about soft skills development
such
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 as personal trainers, business programs,... It leads to improvement
of
Change preposition
in
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 living quality and positive outcomes. In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea that humans have to work hard to have a better
life
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.
Due to
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 having a lot of
money
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, a person can improve their daily basics and achieve a higher living quality with the
money
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 they have earned.

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coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall fluidity and engagement of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words or phrases to create smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed with comprehensive reasoning and detailed examples to support your points.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the inflation in the price of 'banh mi', adds depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a concluding paragraph that summarizes your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have successfully captured both a side argument and the main argument, presenting a balanced perspective.
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