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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As for school
education
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, teachers have more impact on students' academic performance and social development than their
parents
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion, and
this
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 essay will discuss the strengths and weaknesses of
this
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 idea
while
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 presenting my perspective.
To begin
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 with, one compelling argument supporting my stance is that interaction with
parents
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 plays a crucial role in shaping
children
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’s intellectual growth and emotional well-being.
This
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 is because research has indicated that a child’s progress is significantly influenced by parental actions, particularly during early childhood before formal schooling begins.
For instance
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,
children
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 of
parents
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 who engage in regular reading often develop similar habits;
consequently
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, their cognitive abilities are deeply intertwined with parental practices.
Similarly
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, if
parents
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 exhibit strong interpersonal traits
such
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 as effective communication or teamwork,
children
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 naturally internalize these qualities over time in a home environment.
Furthermore
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, when it comes to improving academic achievement, many
parents
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 actively seek additional resources,
such
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 as enrolling their
children
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 in extracurricular programs or private tutoring.
This
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 is especially prevalent in countries with entrance-exam-focused
education
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 systems,
such
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 as Japan and China, where
parents
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 view schools less as
centers
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centres
show examples
 of academic excellence and more as places for fostering peer interaction and collaborative experiences.
As a result
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,
parents
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 often assume the primary responsibility for their
children
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's educational advancement. In conclusion,
while
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 schools play an essential role in
children
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's lives, I firmly believe that parental involvement is more impactful in nurturing a child's
overall
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 growth, both intellectually and emotionally. By spending quality time with their
children
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 and supplementing their
education
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,
parents
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 create a balanced foundation that formal
education
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 alone cannot provide.

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task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and well-structured, but try to provide more varied examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas for improved coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but consider reinforcing key points in your conclusion.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded perspective and effectively addresses the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a cohesive flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foundational role
  • structured influence
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • appetite for learning
  • curriculum
  • learning styles
  • socialize
  • cooperate
  • navigate social norms
  • underestimated
  • role models
  • confined
  • academic year
  • life lessons
  • formative years
  • moral and behavioral development
  • supportive home environment
  • reinforcing
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