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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

These days, many people are relying on traditional medicine instead of going to the doctors. Why do people rely on traditional medication? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, most
people
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 depend on traditional
medicine
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instead
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 of visiting the hospital.
This
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 is because of its low cost and availability;
however
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, I believe it is a negative development, especially when it comes to serious diseases. One reason why
people
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 choose traditional
medicine
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 is that it is affordable.
In other words
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, these days,
people
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 often cannot afford the high costs of modern
medicine
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, which include expensive tests, treatments, and consultations.
For example
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, when a person falls ill, lives far away, or cannot afford the cost of treatment, they may resort to taking traditional
medicine
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.
As a result
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, some
people
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 turn to traditional
medicine
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, which is cheaper and perceived as healthier because it does not contain any chemicals. Another reason is that traditional
medicine
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 is easy to find.
That is
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 to say, since time immemorial, traditional remedies have consisted of herbs and oils, making them readily available in regions or public markets.
For instance
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, most
people
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 who live in villages or areas far from cities do not use modern
medicine
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.
Instead
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, they rely on traditional
medicine
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 because it is herbal, more affordable, and readily accessible.
Finally
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, in my view,
this
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 is a negative development, especially when
people
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 suffer from serious illnesses. To put it simply, they should prioritize their health because it is more important than anything else.
While
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 traditional
medicine
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 might seem natural, better, and more effective to some, modern
medicine
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, despite containing chemicals, is necessary for treating severe conditions and saving lives.
To sum up
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,
people
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 depend on alternative medicines because they are cheap and can be found everywhere easily.
Nevertheless
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, I think that if
people
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 suffer from debilitating illnesses, they should seek help from doctors.

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task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are directly supported by examples that are both varied and precise. Consider expanding upon the examples with a little more detail, such as specific cases or studies, if applicable, rather than just broad scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by making transitions even smoother. Linking each paragraph clearly to the central argument can help improve the logical structure of your essay. For example, use transition phrases or slightly more context at the beginning of each paragraph to emphasize continuity.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, both concisely setting the framework and summarizing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
It comprehensively addresses the task by providing reasons for traditional medicine reliance and evaluating the development as positive or negative.
task achievement
The essay stays on topic and presents logical arguments that align well with the task. It successfully points out why people opt for traditional medicine and gives a personal opinion towards the end.
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