IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

‏ple 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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‎‏The rise of crimes has become a contentious issue in recent years, with growing concerns about the impact of committing more problems after the
punishment
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. Many believe that some mental health issues and revenge are the major causes of
this
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 problem.
This
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 essay will explore the reason behind
this
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 risk and propose effective measures to mitigate these risks. ‎‏
To begin
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, excessive exposure to
punishment
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 can have serious repercussions on
people
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's lives. The criminal may return back to revenge, especially if he knows information about the person.
For example
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, a report by UNESCO showed that most theft want revenge after committing their
punishment
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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 might have long-lasting impacts on society.
Furthermore
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, another cause is health issues. Some believe that many
people
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 who are punished are suffering from mental diseases like depression and stress that lead them to hurt
people
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 again.
For instance
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, the American Educational Association survey indicated that 90% of individuals had serious problems after butting them in jail.
As a result
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,
this
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 can increase some social conflict in the communities. To tackle
this
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 issue, governments and parents must adopt a proactive approach. Governments should enforce strict regulation ση the criminals. A good example here is to offer some programs that educate
people
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 about the importance of correcting criminals' mistakes. Simultaneously, families play a crucial role in monitoring. their children to avoid some problems including unhealthy friendships. In conclusion,
while
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punishment
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 poses significant risks to the population, a collaborative effort from both authorities and families remarkably minimizes these negative consequences. By fostering some sessions, We can ensure the well-being and balanced development of future generations.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are clearly articulated and logically connected for better coherence.
task achievement
Use more specific and diverse examples to enhance your arguments.
task achievement
Try to develop some ideas in more depth for a more comprehensive response.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic and provides a clear conclusion that revisits the main idea.
supported main points
The main points are supported with examples, such as the report by UNESCO and the survey from the American Educational Association.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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