One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expentency is increasing. Do u think the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expentency #outweight

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Nowadays experts are saying that in a few years, life expectancy is going to be up to 120,

therefore

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, in

this

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essay, I am going to argue why the advantages of

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topic of discussion outweigh the disadvantages.

Firstly

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, improved medical care means that new

medicine

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medicines

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treatment

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treatments

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or electronic devices have been created to help humans in their daily days. And

this

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is only good news for everyone

Remove the comma

apply

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because as time passes, it is probable that cancer, AIDS and many other sicknesses are going to have a cure.

Consequently

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, having longer life expectancy involves having solutions to a lot of problems that

persons

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people

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might have during their lives.

Secondly

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, it is a fact that if people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing it comes with problems that can have an effect on our society.

For example

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, there are consequences that are already happening like how governments finance the pension system, or what do they do with the old persons that do not have more family left.

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, all of these problems have solutions that can be found, there are plenty of alternatives that can work to fix a pension system with

this

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type of flaw,

for instance

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, raising the age of retirement. And in the other case, governments could create more places where old people can live for the rest of their lives. In conclusion, even though there are some disadvantages that we can find in

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topic of discussion, in my opinion, there are more advantages to it, because thanks to the improved medical care we are going to spend more time in

this

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world and I think everyone appreciates that.

Submitted by samuel.vicuna2003l on Sat Dec 28 2024

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task achievement

Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and address the task more comprehensively.

coherence cohesion

Improve transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your writing.

task achievement

Ensure all parts of the question are addressed equally for a complete response, perhaps explore more on socio-economic impacts.

task achievement

You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear stance.

coherence cohesion

Your essay ends with a strong conclusion that reiterates your main argument.

coherence cohesion

The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expentency is increasing. Do u think the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Many people believe that every individual is responsible for his/her own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

With more and more people communicating via computers and mobile telephones, there is a real danger that we are losing the ability to communicate with others face to face. Do you agree or disagree?

A growing number of people feel that natural areas should not be exploited by people, and that they should be left as they are, while others argue that humans must use this land to satisfy their various needs, including farming and building. discuss both the views and give your opinion?