Practice 2: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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argue that the proper way to
inhance
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enhance
puplic
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public
health
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is through increasing the
amount
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number
show examples
of
gyms
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.
However
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
think that other measures are considered.
Although
Linking Words
the more sports facilities are increased, the more
people
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wil
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will
be
encuradged
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encouraged
to subscribe
in
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to
show examples
gyms
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, I believe that going to
gym
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the gym
show examples
is not enough to improve
the
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their
show examples
health
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and
people
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should include
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thier
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their
diet and healthy
food
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as a
satisfing
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satisfying
way to develop
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thier
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their
health
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. On
one
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the one
show examples
hand, when
people
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are
srounded
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surrounded
with
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by
show examples
sports facilities
such
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as
gyms
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, they will be
encouradged
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encouraged
to sign up there.
In other words
Linking Words
,
gyms
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could
smulate
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simulate
stimulate
individuals, when they find
gyms
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spreading across the country they might take a genuine step to improve
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thier
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their
health
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by improving
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
fitness.
Additionally
Linking Words
, increasing the number of
gyms
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would provide awareness of the significant
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
of workouts
in
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on
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
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their
health
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
will build a healthy nation.
For example
Linking Words
, some
gyms
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lunch
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launched
show examples
many
approachs
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approaches
in different cities , which
make
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makes
show examples
them
will
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well
show examples
- known
for
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to
show examples
people
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and trusted,
that
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which
show examples
would
encouradge
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encourage
to
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them to
show examples
start
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thier
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their
healthy
jurney
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journey
with them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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should consider the other reasons that help to
achive
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achieve
a
healtier
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healthier
life. Logical measures
such
Linking Words
as obtaining
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
diet with
sutiable
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suitable
food
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in many times could be more
usuful
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useful
,
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apply
show examples
because
food
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perceived
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is perceived
show examples
as the main factor which can
determaine
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determine
in
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apply
show examples
which level of
health
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a person is. The way of cooking meals and using organic
ingrediantes
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ingredients
is the only method to gain
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
life, in
fact
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fact,
show examples
it is more effective than doing
excersises
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exercises
.
For example
Linking Words
, in many
cases
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cases,
show examples
a lot of sports
cauches
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courses
prirotiz
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prioritize
food
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more than workouts. I believe measuring diet is extremely
effictive
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effective
. in conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
conspicous
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conspicuous
gyms
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could
stemulate
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stimulate
people
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to improve
Use synonyms
thier
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their
health
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with workouts, I believe that
adopt
Wrong verb form
adopting
show examples
healthy diets
coud
Correct your spelling
could
be more
usufal
Correct your spelling
useful
usual
.
Submitted by reemstar20 on

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Language
Focus on correcting minor spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity.
Coherence
Enhance logical progression between paragraphs to strengthen coherence.
Task Response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points effectively.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present.
Task Response
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives.
Coherence
There is an attempt to support main points with examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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