IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an outlook suggesting youth generations must spend their entire
life
Use synonyms
 until at least 18 years old in
schools
Use synonyms
. I do agree with
such
Linking Words
view
Correct article usage
a view
show examples
 because
education
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in social change, especially for the well-being of humans. To illustrate how it works, many
schools
Use synonyms
 around the world have proved that their
students
Use synonyms
 are more resilient in terms of facing the wave of modern
life
Use synonyms
 than those who do not get an
education
Use synonyms
. It is because
education
Use synonyms
,
according to
Linking Words
 French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu, is a part of cultural capital which is able to convert into other capital like economic capital.
For example
Linking Words
, it is acceptable in the entire business world that
education
Use synonyms
 is the most important requirement for anyone seeking a job.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, through
education
Use synonyms
, people will know better about their history and more wisely if one day they have to make a crucial decision for their own
life
Use synonyms
, company, or even society. Many
schools
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, not only teach people to solve math or physics problems but
also
Linking Words
 equip
students
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 with basic philosophy
as well as
Linking Words
 historical lessons.
In addition
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 allow their
students
Use synonyms
 to have the knowledge of critical thinking which is beneficial for real
life
Use synonyms
. "Knowledge is power," said Michell Foucault. In conclusion, anyone must have experienced formal
education
Use synonyms
 before they deeply dive into social real
life
Use synonyms
. So, in my opinion, it is crucial for people to go to school until they are at least 18 years old. By doing so,
students
Use synonyms
 will be more capable in both
academia
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 fields and social settings.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly present both sides of the argument if you decide to write a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Introduce linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition to', and 'moreover'.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and comprehensive argument about the importance of education until the age of 18, making it easy for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with a defined introduction and conclusion that reinforces the main argument.
task achievement
The essay includes specific references to theories by sociologists like Pierre Bourdieu and Michel Foucault, which adds depth to the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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