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Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviors #age #group #argue #peer #pressure
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Peer
pressure
 leads to both positive and negative development, depending on the situation where the
pressure
 is being applied.
This
 essay will argue that the disadvantages of
peer
pressure
 do not outweigh its advantages. The essay will first demonstrate that because of the
group
pressure
, all the members overperform in their careers just out of fear of being left out, followed by some drawbacks that lead to anxiety and depression.
To begin
 with, social
pressure
 plays a significant role in individuals'
overall
 growth and development. Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age
group
 just because they want to cope with their friends; they don't want to feel left alone in their
group
.
For instance
, in the
group
 of scholars, everyone will be motivated to perform well in their studies to compete with their peers because of
peer
 influence.
In addition
,
peer
pressure
 creates a sense of competency among the
group
 of people, and to beat the rest and perform well, the individual's inner confidence to compete increases.
For example
, in a
group
 of five adults, if four are millionaires, the fifth will eventually be a millionaire because of
peer
pressure
. The sense of competition does not often lead to positive development; it
also
 has a few drawbacks. During their teenage years, children try to give their best because of social
pressure
, but sometimes, even after trying their best, they are not able to achieve the desired results. Once going through
this
 phase, they will be the victim of anxiety and depression.
According to
 a recent survey by BBC, 70% of young kids are not in a good state of mind because of
peer
pressure
. To recapitulate, social
pressure
 has both benefits and drawbacks; it depends on every individual. In the bigger picture, it has more positivity and helps people to stay motivated and perform well in their lives.
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, using cohesive devices effectively and maintaining paragraph integrity. To improve, try enhancing the complexity and variety of sentence structures, as well as the links between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, providing a clear position throughout the response. While you have presented both sides, to improve, you could delve deeper into the examples, providing more concrete details and expanding on how they specifically demonstrate the advantages or disadvantages of peer pressure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
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