IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many species of animals and plants are in danger of becoming extinct. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

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The high risk of degradation of flora and fauna has become a vital topic of debate.
Although
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 there are numerous causes related to
this
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 issue,
such
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 as
climate
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change
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 and human construction in rural
areas
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, various effective measures can be implemented to prevent and mitigate
this
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 challenge,
such
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 as banning construction in the countryside and enforcing practical
laws
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 to ban poaching and illegal hunting. First of all, two significant reasons can be considered as the main causes behind the danger of
extinction
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 faced by specific species of flora and fauna.
Firstly
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,
climate
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change
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 has contributed to detrimental consequences on Earth, leading to habitat degradation.
For instance
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, it is evident that some rare species of animals,
such
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 as the Iranian cheetah, have gradually become at high risk of
extinction
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due to
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 the increase in temperature, which makes it significantly difficult for them to adapt to
climate
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change
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.
Moreover
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, in recent years, more people have shown interest in constructing buildings in rural
areas
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, leading to the destruction of biodiversity.
Conversely
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, there are practical solutions to address these challenges,
such
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 as implementing
laws
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 to ban poaching and illegal hunting. Governments should impose heavy fines for poaching activities. A prime illustration is the Amazon rainforest, which could face complete destruction if the government fails to ban illegal hunting.
Secondly
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, governments should enact practical
laws
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 to prevent construction in rural
areas
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, which can significantly protect various animal and plant species from
extinction
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.
As a result
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, these
areas
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 belong to natural environments that need to be preserved carefully. In conclusion,
although
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 there are significant reasons related to the high risk of flora and fauna
extinction
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,
such
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 as
climate
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change
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, practical solutions can mitigate these dangers,
such
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 as implementing
laws
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 against poaching and preserving rural
areas
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.

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structure
Make sure each paragraph centers clearly on one main idea. In your first body paragraph, try to separate the ideas of climate change and human construction more distinctly.
content
Although your examples are strong, try to provide some more specific detail or data to further bolster your argument, ensuring consistency and depth.
insight
A deeper exploration into multi-faceted causes or solutions could enrich your analysis. Consider touching on more under-represented factors like pollution or economic pressures.
clarity
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed, setting a focused direction for the essay.
examples
You effectively use an example of the Iranian cheetah to illustrate the impact of climate change, which helps ground your argument in real-world relevance.
closure
The essay concludes well by summarizing the main points and reiterating the importance of practical solutions, effectively rounding off your argument.
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