IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent year. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

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recently childhood
obesity
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 has become one of the major health problems that affects
children
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 in many countries.
this
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 essay will examine the main factors of the disease and provide possible solutions to
this
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 issue. The two main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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obesity
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 among
children
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 are the quality of food that they consume and the lack of exercise. The home environment can contribute significantly to
this
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 issue in various ways.
for instance
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, the type of food that parents offer to their
children
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,
as well as
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 portion sizes.
additionally
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, dining out
instead
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 of preparing
home cooked
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home-cooked
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 meals can lead to unhealthy eating habits.
furthermore
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,
children
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's limited physical activity and spending time on electronic devices contribute to weight gain.
Linking Words
as
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As
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 a result, poor unhealthy meals with a lack of activity increase their chance of gaining weight. A possible solution to
this
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 problem is ensuring that parents are aware of the risks of
obesity
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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associated diseases
such
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 as diabetes and heart attacks through educational campaigns. these campaigns promote balanced diets and regular physical exercise among
children
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 and adults through initiatives
such
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 as workshops in schools and community fitness courses.
moreover
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, they focus on raising awareness about healthy eating habits. in
this
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 way, people will become more conscious of their
children
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's health. In conclusion, the food that
children
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 consume and the lack of physical activity lead to health problems like
obesity
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. To reduce
this
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 disease, we must take steps to improve parents’ knowledge about how to manage it and encourage
children
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 to exercise regularly.

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task achievement
Include specific examples or data to better illustrate the causes and solutions of childhood obesity, such as statistics or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs link smoothly to each other with appropriate transitional words or phrases. This will enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the solutions section by detailing what specific measures parents and governments can take to address the problem.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic and what the essay will cover, which sets a good foundation for readers.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies the main causes of childhood obesity and suggests a broad strategy for addressing it.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the issues and suggests solutions, reinforcing the essay's main points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • nutritional value
  • energy expenditure
  • genetic predisposition
  • unhealthy choices
  • screen time
  • dietary habits
  • educational programs
  • regulations
  • advertising restrictions
  • nutritional education
  • public health initiative
  • family history of obesity
  • health organizations
What to do next:
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