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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Around the worldit is likely that more adualts will work from home, and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this will be a positive or negative development.

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There is no denying the fact that
technology
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 has become more convenient and more accessible for all
people
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 than in the past.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that devices and smartphones have a positive impact on the community, there is
also
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 an argument that
technology
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 can have a negative effect on our society.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, plenty of
people
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 rely on
technology
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 for their jobs or even study.
In other words
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,
computers
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 are a significant innovation in the world and a lot of
people
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 are still learning or working on
computers
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.
In addition
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, adults who are working for institutions, require certain devices like
computers
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.
For example
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, any global company incurring
computers
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 for working and universities are requiring devices for completing homework.
On the other hand
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, the majority of
people
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 are considering the new
technology
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 a bad thing for work and study. It is
also
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 possible to say that new generations are addicted to
computers
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 and tablets
as well as
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 that brings us a sense of an introverted society.
Moreover
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, with declined prices of
technology
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, the demand for these goods is growing rapidly and even teenagers soon will have a sort of
technology
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 addiction.
For instance
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, recently, we have seen a lot of kids and adults using
computers
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 frequently even when they are at weddings or parties,
subsequently
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, they lose their ability to create new memories. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks of
technology
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 because , with
technology
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, we can make better outcomes by using
technology
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.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments, such as data or case studies demonstrating technology's impact.
task achievement
Advance your argument more clearly by specifically stating whether you believe the shift to working/studying from home is positive or negative in each relevant section of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by adding transitions between contrasting points to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Elaborate further on how technology specifically benefits or harms work and study. For instance, discussing productivity or learning outcomes would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion and are present appropriately.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of technological advancement.
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