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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the technological development, some people think technology reduce crime, but some people think it encourage crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion

#development #people #technology #crime
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Many today are of the belief that advances in technology have done more to combat, rather than aid, and it leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 level of criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. In my point of view,
although
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 there are certain novel avenues now available to criminals related to online fraud, technology generally benefits law enforcement.
To begin
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 with, those who argue as to the negative implications of technology on crime point out the increased prevalence of cybercrimes. These
crimes
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 range from online fraud and fishing schemes to political
crimes
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 and the selling of illicit substances. In the early stages of the internet,
such
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crimes
Use synonyms
 were common online and difficult for enforcement agencies to combat. As advances have spread, both law enforcement agencies and criminals have become more
technologically-savvy
Correct your spelling
technologically savvy
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. A clear example of
this
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 would be the occasional news article reporting on a large-scale theft of passwords that warns users to update passwords and be more wary of storing private information online.
However
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, the
crimes
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 mentioned above are rare and technological innovations now help prevent many
crimes
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 before they even occur. The strongest instance illustrating
this
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 point would be the deterrence resulting from security
cameras
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 in private and public spaces. Countries and cities that emphasize the value of these
cameras
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 over personal privacy concerns are significantly safer than unmonitored locations. A more specific example of
this
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 would be
cameras
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 that take photos of individuals speeding and send them speeding tickets through the mail or electronically.
This
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 simple and effective innovation can greatly reduce traffic infractions and
as a result
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 the number of accidents on a given road. In conclusion, despite the marginal downsides related to
exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
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 of new technologies by a small percentage of total criminals, the deterrent effect of security
cameras
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 has made the world considerably safer. There is always a balance between safety and security that must be carefully maintained.
Submitted by yektaghandi.78 on

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task response
The introduction is strong but could benefit from a little more clarity in stating your position on the topic. Try to clearly articulate your stand with a decisive statement to enhance the task response quality.
coherence cohesion
Although coherence is maintained throughout the essay, transition words and phrases could be varied further to increase the natural flow of ideas.
task response
Your essay has a clear and focused thesis, with relevant examples supporting your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, supporting the ideas presented fluently.
task response
Incorporates specific examples, like security cameras and online fraud, effectively to substantiate the main points of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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