Some people believe that allowing children to make decisions on every day choices such as food, clothes, entertainment will result in a society of individuals who think only of themselves, others are of the opinion that decision should be made about issues which affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #decisions #choices #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decision

The majority of the crowd

claim

Correct subject-verb agreement

claims

show examples

that If

children

were left to decide on any aspects of their lives, ranging from cuisine, garments, and recreational activities, they would become selfish.

However

, I agree with those who believe

children

could be allowed to make decisions for their own special matters that impact their own lives.

It is clear that

everyone has special and unique interests in any

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

show examples

. Supporters of putting restrictions on decisions for

children

said that If

children

had the opportunity to choose and implement their ideas for every issue, They would have a proud and selfish personality

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

being enthusiastic would disappear.

In other words

Children

may tend to just consider their needs and almost never think about sharing or being generous.

Moreover

, They would not be able to have

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

family ties and they may suffer from loneliness.

On the other hand

, other public believes that by letting kids and

adolescence

Replace the word

adolescents

show examples

say their

idea

Fix the agreement mistake

ideas

show examples

and choose what they want, not only do they feel confident, but

also

do they become more decisive. Apart from that, when

children

choose their stuff or food, they may have more tendency to use or eat.

Furthermore

children

by being free to select their interests on their own, could make wrong decisions and try to find a way to tackle them.

This

would be a great result for their future. I think offspring should be allowed to choose any things related to themselves. In conclusion,

while

advocaters

Correct your spelling

advocates

show examples

of limited selection for

children

claim that they might be selfish in the future, I wholeheartedly believe that

children

can find a solution and way for solving problems within their wrong selection which may affect positively their lives.

Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on Wed Jul 17 2024

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coherence

Try to avoid repetition of phrases such as 'children could be allowed' and 'select their interests.' Use synonyms or rephrase to improve variety.

task achievement

Use more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, when mentioning children making wrong decisions, provide an actual scenario or a more detailed illustration.

introduction

The essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, smoothly guiding the reader through the argument's beginning and closing with a thoughtful perspective.

coherence

Logical structure is maintained throughout, with each paragraph having a clear main idea and supporting arguments.

task achievement

The ideas presented are comprehensive and show a good understanding of both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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In many countries, young people decide to leave their parents home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing home with friends. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?