IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There has always been a controversial perspective on
advertisements
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, whether they are profoundly good at convincing
people
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 to purchase a
product
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 or too conventional to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals' attention. I firmly agree with the latter outlook. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that
people
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 can be easily persuaded to buy
things
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 via advertising.
This
Linking Words
 is definitely attributed to the impact of consistent stimulants on peoples' unconsciousness.
That is
Linking Words
, the more they are exposed to repetitive content about buying a
product
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, whether visually or
auditorily
Replace the word
audibly
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, via billboards or radio, the more they are prone to choose that in a shop store. Based on an experiment which was conducted recently,
people
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 unconsciously followed the orders which were briefly shown in the middle of a movie on the screen at a cinema
such
Linking Words
 as "forget
this
Linking Words
 scene" or "buy some popcorn", which demonstrates how obscure visual stimulants can take over
people
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's minds.
However
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, I believe when it comes to deciding about buying a
product
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,
people
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 do not usually act that much uncontrolled.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 say that
advertisements
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 are too common and repeated to be considered and they cannot play a significant role in convincing us to buy
things
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 based on two reasons.
First,
Linking Words
people
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 do not normally pay attention to different
advertisements
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 on the net or television, unless they have truly decided to purchase a
product
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.
Subsequently
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,
advertisements
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 cannot persuade them to buy a redundant thing that they have never felt the necessity to buy.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
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 do not trust
advertisements
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 to obtain
things
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 as manufacturers try to do their best to pretend that their
product
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 is perfect in all aspects even if it is not true. I believe that advertising cannot be that successful in making
people
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 purchase the
product
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 if they have not decided to do so. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that advertising plays a substantial role in persuading
people
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 to buy
things
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, I believe that
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 cannot be the only factor affecting our minds.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler transitions to improve flow, like 'firstly' and 'in conclusion.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
You clearly presented both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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