Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
It is Undeniable that bullying is a massive social problem in every country, especially in educational institutions. Seeing the seriousness of
this
matter, I believe that the situation is caused by less Linking Words
education
about how bullying can damage other people’s lives. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
this
essay will explain more about the causes of Linking Words
this
situation and the probable solutions.
Linking Words
To begin
with, girls who do not receive enough time and affection from their Linking Words
parents
might end up treating other people Use synonyms
according to
what they copied from their surroundings. The mistake of the family in several countries is to avoid the point of providing social discipline for their boys before they are drafted as students. Linking Words
This
situation became worse when their fathers were always busy with their business which shifted their priority from their sons and daughters to their business means their priority in business was more than parenting. In these cases, Linking Words
parents
tend to rely on the support of hired babysitters to take care of the children. Use synonyms
Hence
, they might not be given the care and discipline they are supposed to have in order to develop respect and tolerance towards others.
Another reason for bullying, the elderly are not the only party to blame in regards to childcare but Linking Words
also
schools are the institutions responsible for the children’s primary Linking Words
education
. I can not blame only Use synonyms
parents
for their parenting but Use synonyms
also
for the teacher's supervision in the school area. Most schools of school have a policy for student activities, for activities Linking Words
for instance
, providing a homeroom teacher for every class academic advisor, but the number amount of students is larger than the teachers. It teacher’s it that could be difficult to give adequate attention to each junior at the same time. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
Also
, the school environment can not be unpredictable since every disciple has a different personality and background.
In dealing with Linking Words
this
problem, it is the majority of Linking Words
parents
’ duty and responsibility to educate their children to respect each other regarding diversity in society in the diversity aspect. Use synonyms
This
is important as Linking Words
parents
are the key to children’s initial social Use synonyms
education
. Use synonyms
On the other hand
, the teacher should have a role to give more Linking Words
warm
because most students spend their time in the academy. Replace the word
warmth
While
their mom has been giving their attention enough, I believe there is no space for bullying.
In conclusion, insufficient care and Linking Words
education
from both Use synonyms
parents
and the academy may lead to becoming bullies. In order to solve Use synonyms
this
matter, collaboration between fathers at home and teachers at the academy is significant in educating children about respect.Linking Words
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coherence cohesion
Try to clearly state your main ideas and organize your paragraphs around these ideas, ensuring each one flows logically into the next. Your essay demonstrates a solid attempt at this but could benefit from more explicit topic sentences and smoother transitions between points.
task achievement
The response covers the main causes and suggests possible solutions, which is great. However, try to focus on providing more specific examples to support your points, as this can strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Some of the essay's language could be improved for clarity. Pay attention to the grammatical structure and word choices in sentences. This will help make your ideas clearer and the essay more coherent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outline the essay's purpose, which provides a clear framework for your discussion.
task achievement
You have effectively identified key causes and potential solutions for bullying, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example