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Band 6.5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
An argument persists over the involvement of
children
 in paid employment. Some people vehemently condemn it, arguing it is fundamentally wrong,
while
 others believe it to be extremely vital as it instils essential life skills and fosters a sense of responsibility. In my opinion,
children
 should be allowed and encouraged to
job
Verb problem
work
show examples
 at a young age and be actively engaged in it.
Firstly
, making pupils involved in some kind of paid performance will make them independent and responsible at a tender age. offspring will imbibe invaluable skills which will aid them throughout their lives. Engaging in part-time jobs, especially those aligned with their interests, can provide valuable real-world experiences, nurturing a sense of accountability, time management, and financial literacy.
For instance
, a teenager working at a local bookstore not only gains exposure to the professional world but
also
 learns essential skills like customer service and organization.
On the other hand
, those opposing paid
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 underscores the importance of protecting childhood and ensuring that
children
 have the opportunity to enjoy a carefree and education-focused upbringing. They contend that involvement in paid employment during childhood could jeopardize a child's physical and mental health, potentially impeding their cognitive growth. I believe that all
this
 might be true but frantically disapproving of
this
 idea may not be the right choice.
According to
 me, offspring should only be allowed to do age-appropriate work and
also
 with the free will of the child.
To conclude
, despite the fact that
this
 activity might impose some serious consequences on
children
;
however
, some amount of industry experience should be given to students to facilitate healthy and prosperous growth.
Submitted by aggarwalparth2007 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear logical structure from introduction to conclusion. Avoid repetitive statements and ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented and effectively summarize the main points of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear, developed arguments. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea, and expand on it with specific details.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task ensuring that your response is complete. Provide an answer that fully corresponds with the questions asked.
task achievement
Develop your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Strive for depth in your discussion and avoid surface-level analysis.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The examples should be detailed enough to clearly illustrate your point of view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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