IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think globalization benefits while some people believe harm local culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #globalization #harm #culture
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is
idea
Add an article
the idea
an idea
show examples
 that
globalization
Use synonyms
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to develop the country,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it ruins local culture. In my opinion,
globalization
Use synonyms
 helps with access to
information
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 another
language
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be a cause of losing local identity. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 face problems in everything,
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 linked
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 barrier,
however
Linking Words
, there is a solution to that.
Globalization
Use synonyms
 is the way to succeed in everything in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period. Implementing
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 in school education as the main
language
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 tongue
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 an ability to children and adults get
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 on the internet because of the reason that most of the
information
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 published
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will be able to talk with
people
Use synonyms
 who live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 completely different
continent
Fix the agreement mistake
continents
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as we know, everything has advantages and disadvantages, and
globalization
Use synonyms
 is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 exception.
Globalization
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can be the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 losing local identity.
For instance
Linking Words
, using
English
Change the article
the English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 a chance
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Western culture
come
Fix the infinitive
to come
show examples
 to the country and capture other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 traditional and national fashion and street food. Nowadays, most
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 food is fast food like
cheeseburger
Fix the agreement mistake
cheeseburgers
show examples
 or pizza. In conclusion,
globalization
Use synonyms
 breaks the
language
Use synonyms
 barrier and
people
Use synonyms
 will be able to talk with
people
Use synonyms
 of other nationalities and get any
information
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 on the internet.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it prevents
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ruining local identity
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 propaganda.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples and elaborations for the points mentioned. For instance, discussing specific local cultural aspects that might be affected by globalization will help illustrate your points better.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main ideas are fully developed and supported with evidence or examples. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on using transitional phrases and connecting words to improve the logical flow and cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay read more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced and concluded the essay, outlining both views and adding your opinion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task requirements by discussing both sides of the argument and presenting your own view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: