IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Traditional medicine, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies, is very popular in some countries. Those who practice traditional medicine claim it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint?

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In some countries, traditional medicine seems to be popular, since many apply it as an alternative way to maintain and improve their health,
instead
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 of referring to modern medical treatment.
However
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,
this
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 essay firmly opposes the view claiming that the traditional way is more effective than the modern one. Here are some reasons I suggest. Traditional medical practices have a few disadvantages.
Firstly
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, it contains
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of responsibility.
People
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 who rely on
this
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 method when they get sick are likely more prone because they have no insurance
as well as
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 guarantee to sue the therapist.
Otherwise
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, it does not apply
with
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to
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 professional doctors because they require a license to treat patients carefully. So,
people
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 should not be worried about their health, if they get medical care in hospitals.
Furthermore
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, it is hard to measure the effectiveness of the curing regarding the traditional treatment, especially when
people
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 get serious illnesses like heart attack, cancer, or other severe diseases. Herbal remedies and acupuncture,
for instance
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, have their limits to solve it
,
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apply
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 and may provide a thin immunity for
people
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 with these suffering conditions.
However
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,
this
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 improvement is not far from just a suggestion given by the therapist,
therefore
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 the age of the treatment effect is temporary.
In contrast
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, modern medication is far better in order to make sure that patients will be treated properly. No matter how advanced the illness
people
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 get, doctors in hospitals always attempt to improve and save their patients’s lives through a rigorous medical system. In conclusion, it is hard to believe that traditional medicine is more effective
to maintain
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in maintaining
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 and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s health. From my perspective, modern medical treatments have a lot of benefits for humans.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. For instance, mention specific studies or cases where modern medicine has successfully treated serious illnesses.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is clearly linked to your thesis statement, making it easier for readers to see how each argument supports your overall stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both traditional and modern medicine and making a clear argument against the effectiveness of the former.
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