Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sweet
food
and drink are hazardous to health and some Use synonyms
people
think that Use synonyms
price
of the products high in sugar content should be increased in order to reduce Use synonyms
the
consumption. Correct article usage
apply
This
is not a valid suggestion as it can cause more negative problems.
Linking Words
Firstly
, when the Linking Words
price
of sweet Use synonyms
food
is increased in the market, it will make Use synonyms
people
excited. Use synonyms
This
would mean that when there is a restriction on certain products, individuals will get curious and desire to try it by hook or crook. Linking Words
For example
, is censorship. It is very common for Linking Words
people
to watch censored movies or films nowadays.
Use synonyms
Besides
, Linking Words
this
approach Linking Words
also
can lead to wrong behaviours and some Linking Words
people
will make use of the situation by taking advantage of other Use synonyms
people
. In Malaysia Use synonyms
for instance
, the government increased the Linking Words
price
of Use synonyms
cigarattes
in an effort to reduce smoking but the result is shocking. In fact, more Correct your spelling
cigarettes
people
turned to vaping which is more disastrous than smoking Use synonyms
cigarretes
and even created a new job called vape dealer.
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
Additionally
, when access to sugary Linking Words
food
is deprived, many Use synonyms
people
will fall into a state of depression because they cannot get the Use synonyms
food
they enjoy. Studies Use synonyms
also
have shown that sugar is more addictive than drugs. Increasing the Linking Words
price
of sugar is not beneficial because Use synonyms
people
would not care about their money and would want to get the product to satisfy their cravings.
In conclusion, raising the Use synonyms
price
of sugary products will do more harm than good to society. There are other approaches that can Use synonyms
taken
taken Verb problem
be
such
as educating society on healthy Linking Words
food
choices.Use synonyms
Submitted by coke_sars on
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coherence cohesion
Your argument is clear, but it would benefit from clearer topic sentences and better-organized points. Ensure each paragraph presents a single, focused idea that directly relates to the thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay could be stronger with more specific examples and detailed explanations that clearly support your main points. Try to elaborate more on how exactly raising prices leads to curiosity and detrimental behaviors.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases (e.g., 'try it by hook or crook,' 'deprived'). It would improve the readability of your essay if these were corrected.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and defined stance on the topic, which is well-presented in both your introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Providing alternative solutions, such as educating society on healthy food choices, demonstrates critical thinking and a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.