Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sweet
food
and drink are hazardous to health and some people
think that price
of the products high in sugar content should be increased in order to reduce the
consumption. Correct article usage
apply
This
is not a valid suggestion as it can cause more negative problems.
Firstly
, when the price
of sweet food
is increased in the market, it will make people
excited. This
would mean that when there is a restriction on certain products, individuals will get curious and desire to try it by hook or crook. For example
, is censorship. It is very common for people
to watch censored movies or films nowadays.
Besides
, this
approach also
can lead to wrong behaviours and some people
will make use of the situation by taking advantage of other people
. In Malaysia for instance
, the government increased the price
of cigarattes
in an effort to reduce smoking but the result is shocking. In fact, more Correct your spelling
cigarettes
people
turned to vaping which is more disastrous than smoking cigarretes
and even created a new job called vape dealer.
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
Additionally
, when access to sugary food
is deprived, many people
will fall into a state of depression because they cannot get the food
they enjoy. Studies also
have shown that sugar is more addictive than drugs. Increasing the price
of sugar is not beneficial because people
would not care about their money and would want to get the product to satisfy their cravings.
In conclusion, raising the price
of sugary products will do more harm than good to society. There are other approaches that can taken
taken Verb problem
be
such
as educating society on healthy food
choices.Submitted by coke_sars on
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coherence cohesion
Your argument is clear, but it would benefit from clearer topic sentences and better-organized points. Ensure each paragraph presents a single, focused idea that directly relates to the thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay could be stronger with more specific examples and detailed explanations that clearly support your main points. Try to elaborate more on how exactly raising prices leads to curiosity and detrimental behaviors.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases (e.g., 'try it by hook or crook,' 'deprived'). It would improve the readability of your essay if these were corrected.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and defined stance on the topic, which is well-presented in both your introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Providing alternative solutions, such as educating society on healthy food choices, demonstrates critical thinking and a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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