IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that young people should focus on their education and not waste their time on things like socializing and partying. Others argue that socializing and having fun is an important part of youth and should not be sacrificed for the sake of education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #focus #education #waste #time #fun #part #youth #sake
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The debate over whether young people should prioritize education over socializing or strike a balance between the two has merit on both sides.
While
Linking Words
 academic
success
Use synonyms
 is crucial for a secure future, social interactions play a vital role in personal and emotional growth. Focusing on education is often viewed as essential for achieving long-term
success
Use synonyms
. Students who dedicate themselves to their studies are more likely to excel academically, gain admission to top institutions, and secure lucrative careers.
For instance
Linking Words
, high academic achievers frequently receive scholarships or career opportunities that pave the way for future
success
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, an excessive focus on academics can lead to stress, burnout, and a lack of essential
life
Use synonyms
 experiences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, socializing and engaging in recreational activities are equally important. These experiences help young individuals develop critical soft skills like communication, teamwork, and adaptability, which are invaluable in personal and professional settings.
For example
Linking Words
, participating in group activities or events boosts confidence and strengthens relationships.
Moreover
Linking Words
, social interactions provide an outlet for stress, promoting better mental health. Neglecting
this
Linking Words
 aspect can lead to isolation and emotional difficulties later in
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, a balanced approach is ideal.
While
Linking Words
 academic focus is necessary to build a strong foundation for the future, incorporating time for socializing ensures holistic development. Striking a balance allows young people to excel academically
while
Linking Words
 nurturing essential
life
Use synonyms
 skills. In conclusion, both education and socializing are integral to youth development. A well-rounded approach not only prepares young people for career
success
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 equips them to navigate
life
Use synonyms
 with confidence and resilience.
Submitted by Lakshmi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance task response, consider adding more varied examples to illustrate different perspectives effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every argument is connected back to the main thesis for better cohesion.
task achievement
The essay effectively provides a complete response to the task by addressing both viewpoints and presenting a clear personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear and logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-developed with relevant examples, adding depth to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: